Tim, here is my current quandary. I have pretty much resolved all other issues about my sex life except for how he shows his desire for me. I guess at this point I am wondering just how many times I plunge into the growth cycle and get no results before I say, Screw this, my sex life with him is pretty darn good though not perfect. Kwim?
I am trying to see if I am striving for perfection when in fact there is no such thing.
OR, if I have a legitimate case for still trying to enact some change.
Part of me says: I really and truly hate the way he shows desire, so therefore I should keep at this until we are BOTH happy. The other part says: Good gravy, woman, what are ya nuts. Just enjoy what you have and help him make up for his weaknesses and play up his strengths.
Which is kinda how I see Mojo operating these days. Her H has not really changed all that much, she has instead accepted what SHE must do in order to draw out his desire and have a fulfilling sex life. (Mo, if you read this I don't mean to imply that Mr. Wilson has not changed at all..)
So I am wondering at what point does acceptance of the others' limitations fit into the picture?
Which bring me to you, NOP. Thanks for the illustration. I can see from it that she really hasn't changed much in her delivery...she is just willing and eager now. Again, not that she hasn't changed at ALL but that the dramatics come in the fact that she is willing and not necessarily what she is DOING. Is this a fair statement?
And I totally agree with you; this is huge. I do not underestimate what it takes for my husband to be willing and eager. I am trying to discern whether I should continue to state my wishes for a husband who can outright desire me (without me setting the stage and doing the work) or accept that this is his way of stating his needs--"I will give you frequent and eager sex but I will not show flagrant desire."
I will have to ask him that very question in fact. I have just seen how stupid it is to query perfect strangers about what my husbands limitations are...hmm.
I will ask him this: Does the fact that you have never addressed my wish for outright desire mean that you do not wish to work on this?
See, part of the problem is that he will promise me the moon and then never even deliver a rock. I just want total honesty about what he is and is not capable of...and unlike you, Tim, I do not believe that the sky is the limit according to Schnarch. I really do believe that people have limitations (or they believe they have limitations) which are so strong and real that to push them to get past them would require such force that the end result might be a destruction of the love that was there in the first place.
Ok, I am getting philosophical so it is obviously time to sign off.
