Quote: Note that the first convo I had with my W after reading SSM, I told her that 2x per month would be the bare minimum but later revised it to 2x week. That was a mistake because she felt like I was moving the target. At the time 2x per month sounded huge! 24x / year versus 4.
My position exactly. Coming from twice a year, even once a month sounds great.
Another thing the C asked me was why I wanted to ML with my W. At first blush, that sounded like a stupid question, but once I gave it some thought I realized that it was really a very good one. I still can't really give a definitive answer, but it's not for other-validation. It's partly just physical need, but mostly it's because it helps me to establish and maintain the EC. It's more for the way it makes me feel about her than for the way it makes me feel about myself. Like most of the HDs, I do have feelings of hurt and rejection. LM does help to alleviate those feelings. But that’s just a bonus, not the main reason for wanting to do it. I guess that's why I think it's such a good question - it's so very difficult to put into words that it really made me think.
But as usual, I’m getting sidetracked. The issue is that when we ML so seldom, my perception of the problem grows way out of proportion. But I am cognizant of that fact, so when the C asked what I thought was reasonable, I tried to actually be reasonable rather than telling her how it felt at the time. I still feel that 2-3 times per week is reasonable, but I’m open to the possibility that once the pressure is off, I may let that slip back some. It’s really hard to say when I’m not getting any at all, but I felt that it would be better to pick a frequency that I may have to back off from rather than one I would want to boost. Regardless of what you’re measuring, it’s always easier to lower your expectations than to raise them.
