I'm just kind of crushed by the events of the last 24 hours. The mediator told me that our D isn't going through on my birthday, but that we're missing some paperwork we need to send in. Then it will be another three weeks to three months. I had no idea. H is furious, I think. But he didn't know either. Meanwhile, he is taking out a loan to pay me the next 18 months support payments in a lump sum. I suppose so he can throw it my face and say, "Are you satisfied with your big lump of cash, you selfish b**ch?" I don't know why he has to hate me now, after I've tried so hard to DB for a year. It hurts more than anything. I'll be ok, but I can't stop crying. Maybe he just has to project all his bad feelings onto me. I can't believe love turns into a pile of bitter paperwork. It's so freaking sad.
(((((Azure))))) I'm a phone call away sweetie if you want to talk! I'm up & alone ( ) and good to go w/ a glass of Merlot by my side. Shall I pour you a glass?
I'm sorry to hear about the developments - but if I have learned one thing here, it's that we can never really know or understand what they are thinking. I know it hurts something fierce, but remember that he must feel a bit like a wounded pup himself with his brother's death. It doesn't excuse his behavior one bit, but you know that unresolved issues in one R find their way played out in another.
The loan - that's his problem, and more importantly HIS choice, not yours. Don't carry that burden - you have many of your own to handle.
Azure, You are right. It is sad. Especially when one spouse is so willing to make things work and the other just doesn't seem to value the R and all the work that went into it. Cry on my shoulder, Azure. Big HUG to you. I am so sorry for your hurt. MEN! We can be so stupid at times! Hang onto your self worth, Azure. You will need it to pick yourself back up after this. You are a good person and there are people out there who will see that in you and really appreciate you. Ron
My new goal #1. Find happiness and hold onto it. Forget everything else. It doesn't matter. (Happiness helpers: Respect, Friendship, Humor, Music, Passionate Sex)
Any time - as I said before, I don't care if you wake me up. I'll be up for a while so no worries, okay? And man, I am so impressed that you're going to exercise! any time, honest! -H2H
Azure, I hope you don't lock up. You really are an intelligent person and you have those qualities that draw people to you. You need companionship now. Let your friends help you through this DARK time. Not just those of us on this BB but your local friends. Lean on them. I am sure they will be be happy to spend time with you. Have a coffee with them. They will listen. Lean! Azure Lean! Ron
My new goal #1. Find happiness and hold onto it. Forget everything else. It doesn't matter. (Happiness helpers: Respect, Friendship, Humor, Music, Passionate Sex)
) and good to go w/ a glass of Merlot by my side. Shall I pour you a glass?
