I'm just kind of crushed by the events of the last 24 hours. The mediator told me that our D isn't going through on my birthday, but that we're missing some paperwork we need to send in. Then it will be another three weeks to three months. I had no idea. H is furious, I think. But he didn't know either. Meanwhile, he is taking out a loan to pay me the next 18 months support payments in a lump sum. I suppose so he can throw it my face and say, "Are you satisfied with your big lump of cash, you selfish b**ch?" I don't know why he has to hate me now, after I've tried so hard to DB for a year. It hurts more than anything. I'll be ok, but I can't stop crying. Maybe he just has to project all his bad feelings onto me. I can't believe love turns into a pile of bitter paperwork. It's so freaking sad.
