Azure, Communication. You need better communication with H. I need better communication with W. Why is that so hard. Can you imagine all the heartache that would save?
Maybe you can communicate through belly dancing! But what am I going to do?
Ron
My new goal #1. Find happiness and hold onto it. Forget everything else. It doesn't matter. (Happiness helpers: Respect, Friendship, Humor, Music, Passionate Sex)
Hey Azure, Thank YOU for the chat the other night! And I'm glad H came around to apologizing - like a bee sting, I'm sure you can still feel it, but this is better than just a few days before....
I know we've been emailing, but thought I'd hop over to your thread anyway to see what everyone else has been saying. I'm glad for your good friends here....Hope the evening has been good. How's the weather back there?
Azure, As ususal, I am late to the party. I decide to take a break from the bb, and look what I have missed. I am sorry to have missed all that you have gone through. Can I just say, that what you went through, brought back painful memories for me. It was like going through my sitch again. This just replays itself in everyone's lives doesn't it. So please know, that my heart and prayers are with you. I understand the agony and the pain that you are experiencing. But I also know that you will get through it. You will survive and you will be a better person because of it. (Haven't we all been told this, over and over again???) Hold the phone, I don't want to be a better person, I just want my H back, right??? I know, I know.
We go on at first because we must. Then we go on because we can. But the point is that we do go on. We make the choices inside to survive on a certain level. It is not fun by any means, but we do survive.
(((((((((((((((((((Azure)))))))))))))))))))) Just know that I will be sending extra prayers and hugs your way for a while. Take care. Rae Jean
One other thing. I gathered that you (or you and family) would be more comfortable if I didn't come to Brother's memorial service. (At least, that's what I inferred from your response to my question a couple of weeks ago). That's totally fine, I understand. I just wanted to clarify that I read this correctly. So, no response from you to this, and I will figure that I did. And it's ok, I have in mind some things I want to do privately, and I plan to drive up to [BIL's town, on the coast] -- at some other time -- to do so.
Lots of love to you and everyone this weekend.
Azure ********* What I meant by his "response," is that when I asked him when the service was two weeks ago, and said that I would like to go but only if comfortable for everyone, he said he'd get back to me that day and then went dark for a week. Last Saturday when we were having the nice time (before the sh*tstorm/fight), he referred to BIL's service, and I said, "When IS BIL's service?" and he said it was [this] weekend, but gave me no particulars as to day/time/place (except that it's in BIL's town). But this morning I suddenly thought that I'd hate to make the ASSumption that I'm not invited, and then have him be hurt about that or throw it back in anger later. That's why I wrote that letter.
I think it is great that you sent him this note. It will. as you say, clarify any questions he may have about your absence. More importantly, it helps you move through this specific incident, making it clear that you took note that he was less than enthusiastic about your being present there.
Hold onto yourself through this, Azure. Do not roll over for H... at the same time I think this period in his life is fraught with confusion, pain..... and anger. He may feel sad about his brother but he may also be sitting on a ton of anger about his brother's death.
Detachment is a protective stance to take. You absolutely do not want to place yourself in line for his anger... AND you may want to figure out how to HAVE and release your own.
Azure, I would have done the same thing with the email. It shows that you are indeed taking his (and his family's) feelings into account AND that you are wanting to communicate effectively with him, by stating your position and intent and being sure that you read him correctly.
Still thinking of and praying for you....
NSN My current thread LUVR ... Listen, Understand, Validate, and Respond
Thinking of you, sweetie....You are taking the high road by trying to clarify in the best way. Someday he may realize how thoughtful you are.......In the meantime, listen to Maya and stay out of his way--you have been a convenient target for a long time and this is not an easy time for him. I do think that's good advice.
Azure ~ I agree with GBO....you have taken the high road. Someday you will be able to look back on this and you can hold your head high because you did the right thing.
(((((HUGS))))) to you!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
Azure, You really are a jewel. Give this some time. Your H needs a little time to think this all through clearly. He may see what has happened here more clearly in time. Whatever you do, drop it for now. Think about your upcomming weekend. Have some Azure time planned out. Take care of yourself. Ron
My new goal #1. Find happiness and hold onto it. Forget everything else. It doesn't matter. (Happiness helpers: Respect, Friendship, Humor, Music, Passionate Sex)
