Coming up for air (Ron), and SOOOO tired. Just weary. Thank you all SO much. I just couldn't respond until now. Vanessa, dfb, nitaf, thank you for stopping by to cheer me on. Ron, you gave me food for thought, as usual. I COMPLETELY confess to being in reactive mode, it all kind of threw me back to the beginning == the hurt, the betrayal, wondering if he was lying and manipulating me. H2H, Wonder, GBO, thank you for excellent phone intervention. Jen, you always touch my heart, and thanks for getting the Taoist thought back to me. Totally, you don't know how glad I am to see you back, and loved your Zen painting story, and your young golfing buddy (see, we can practice putting love out there into life, even without our partner to accept it). And Sun, you just popped in as I am writing this, my PMA Queen indeed.
Maya, this:
Quote: I hold my breath and walk this fine line every day between being "ok" for db and worrying that my H will then decide to cut support to me. So, I know a bit about the feelings you are having. Aside from the betrayal, it cuts right to one's sense of survival. To have one's emotional life turned topsy-turvy is bad enough but to then have to worry about your basic needs at the same time while someone else blithely steps out into his shiny new world is just a horror.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I do hope that we might get together...stategize, sympathize, exercise, exorcize and/or maybe watch a movie or two!
really spoke to me. It was like you were reading my mind. I was unable to respond at the time, but it meant a great deal. Yes, definitely, to all the plans of action!
OK. Well. I think things got better today. First, H wrote me a letter saying he was thinking of paying me in a lump sum next month. It was hard to read his tone, it was polite, mainly. I wrote back and gave him the info he needed, and I said, "I'm sorry this happened at a time when we are both feeling so raw and vulnerable. I wished him consolation at his brother's service, and I wished him happiness in life. I tried to figure if he wants to think of me as a selfish b**** ripping him off, that was his prerogative. But I moved here for him, gave up a lot, and went into our marriage with my whole heart and soul. After four years of living together (so happily, at least I thought), suddenly after one year of marriage, he wanted out and never changed his mind. I just want a bit of security for two years while I remake my life. I'm not taking him to the cleaners by any means.
Anyway, I wrote my simple letter with the sentiments above (while only thinking the above thoughts), figuring he just wants to get me the hell off his back, and was surprised when he wrote back:
Hi Azure,
I'm sorry about the blow-up as well. You may not believe me, but that's really not what I intended AT ALL when I sent the email.
It's very important to me for us to remain friends. We have shared a lot together in life and it would be really sad if we couldn't work through all of this and keep a relationship over the long haul.
Thanks for the SS#. I think that knocking this all out at once will help us both.
