You all are so good. Thanks for all the affirmation. I know, H2H, I'm sorry. I feel like I have really dropped the rope in a lot of ways, and that combined with all the madness, and H not talking to me for almost a week, there just really hasn't been a whole lot to report on.
Although -- I have thought back on some of the things he said in our conversation that were good. For one thing -- and it may not seem like much to an outsider -- he asked about the dog, and said, "I've been thinking about her lately." [He loves the dog, but he hasn't asked about her in a long time, and he complained a couple of times while we were together that I gave her more attention than him. I don't think that's true, but still. Anyway, he knows asking about her is a route to my heart, not that that is WHY he was asking.] He also said that he put my sympathy card about BIL next to a big, smiling picture of BIL, and that one of the quotes particularly he had read over and over. Thirdly, when thanking me profusely for the birthday card (I sent separate cards for sympathy and birthday b/c I thought he would appreciate that) and the present, he said, "I've gotten tons of sympathy cards, but my birthday was kind of overlooked, so I really appreciate it." (Thanks, LL book, for making me see how important Gifts are to him).
And finally, he implied that it was good to talk to me because we have both been through tragic events, it's like it's understood that we don't have to talk about those events every moment, that it's ok to laugh or have fun or be irreverent, because one needs a break from the sadness. He said a lot of people don't know what to say to him, and also sometimes he really needs to NOT talk about it. I think we were pretty in-sync about that, so we alternated between serious talk about our losses, and silly, upbeat stuff.
[But it still kind of kills me when he talks about how we each deserve a break from all the sadness of the past year, which is certainly true, although so much of my sadness was triggered by his actions. But I just validate :-), because if I pretend he wasn't the cause of a lot of my pain, then we are just two people who can relate to each other's experience. ]
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