I always feel almost giddy when Bridget drops in! You have been a major inspiration to me, Bgrrrrrl. You remind me to think of what's magical about myself, and that is oh, so important in all this craziness. Thank you for the flowers and embrace, comin' back at ya, hon. And you know I would like to get together. You could meet the awesome GBO, too!
So, yesterday was my last counseling appointment (at least for now). It seemed almost like she saved the best for last, and gave me lots to think on, but I guess that's appropriate for a final visit. She also said I could come back anytime, and seemed very fond of me, which made me feel good. She gave me a lot of new ways to think of H, and I certainly don't need to think of him as somehow "better" than me, just because he was the one who chose to reject me. Sometimes the DBing, while amazing, seems to me like coming from the "one down" position. Like H still has so much power to make me feel bad or good. But I really think I am beginning to detach from that. I feel like I have to face the fact that it might really be over, in order to heal.
Ironically, H called me during my last session with C. I talked to him briefly, and then a little more when I got home, just about the latest on BIL. I don't know if he'll be inviting me to whatever service they have for him. I think he might, and I'd like to go. BUT I don't think I can stand to go if his GF is there. It would already be an emotional day. I don't want to seem manipulative, but I guess if he asks me, that is what I'll say (in a gentle way). I can see how he might want her to be there to support him, but she didn't know Brother. I would like to speak at his service, if asked. This may all be moot, because maybe he won't ask me or they won't have a service, but I've been turning it around in my mind. If he needs to bring GF, I can just have a service for BIL in my mind.
Love to all. Once more, deep thanks for everything.
