CeMar: My biggest and most prominent and most EFFECTIVE crucible tool was talking.
Being willing to shoot everything out in the open instead of suffering silently was the key for us to start moving ahead.
By this, I mean I didn't just say once or twice or many times "I want more sex" but I said it every single freaking time things started to get stale. Sometimes that meant I was saying something a couple times a week. Every time I sensed that he was trying to ease us back into a more familiar pattern, I had to blow it out in the open again. It was a VERY confrontational time of my life (and some weeks still are, if you want to know the truth) but it was worth it.
I see you struggling with your own crucible because you are not willing to confront your wife.
You want to silently make changes to yourself and hope she will do the same. This has not worked so far and I am surprised that you are still doing it!
You wrote in another thread that you have not kissed your wife on the lips for over a year. Why do you tolerate this?
Why not just say to her: "From now on, we will be kissing in this marriage in a way that husbands and wives do. If you refuse to go along with this, I will take that as a sign of how committed you are to staying married to me for life."
Ok, you might want to phrase it a little gentler, lol (I'm in a mood today) but my point is that YOU GO ALONG WITH ALL THIS and then bitch about it.
You must do something and call her on her destructive behavior before you can expect any change from her. It sucks, but that is the way it is.
