I think that the idea of having sex in the "just do it" mode is not always productive. The emotional component of sex and other intimacy is critical in a marriage. If the emotional connection is not there during the physical connection, that can create even more damage, anger and resentment, IMHO. I can't fathom why that would be good for a relationship that already has too much distance in it.
You are not just here asking questions about sex. You are also asking how how you two can reconnect as a couple with intimacy, affection, and trust. Sex is part of that package, but not the only thing that you need. If it were, you would never have come here seeking answers, you would have had an affair and had those physical needs met and not thought twice about it.
You have taken action by telling her no more mercy sex, you want intimacy and love, affection, respect and wholeness in your marriage. I hope that by stopping your requesting her to have sex with you, denying her that attention will get her to think about the damage that her denial and refusal has done to the both of you.
