CeMar asked:
Anyone care to identify what they are trying in their own crucibles?
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I agree that everyone's will be different, but mine involved no more mercy sex. I expressed that I want sex where we both are enthusiastic and involved. In PM terms, I want us to learn how to f**k (Chap.10, but I didn't say it that way). I let my W know that "just do it" won't work for me and would be refused.

The results have been promising. We've had some tough discussions, but some good ones, too. My W is reading TSSM, PM, and some of this BB (at least my posts). She's even talked with one of the DB telephone Cs.

I should say that I hurt her by letting her know that I wasn't satisfied with what we had. It's not that it was never good, but I haven't felt the love she claims for me through our sexual experience. She's having a hard time getting past the "it's never been good" thought in her mind. I would give anything to change the way I communicated to her, if I could, although even now I don't know how else to say that I want it to be better. (I'm sorry, honey, if you read this.)

So, that's been my crucible. I gave my W the option of non-mercy sex or no sex at all. She has told me that she doesn't want to live w/o sex, but she's afraid of my HD being too much for her. I don't know how to reassure her about that, but at least she says she wants to try.