I hope that you slept well last night seeing how tired you were. I really think that if you can get through this one hurdle re the OW that it just may be a lot smoother sailing for you.
The OW is desparate. You know that. You have so much more going for you than she does. You are one class act and don't ever forget that. She is just a piece of ----.
Cathy, I'll be back on line tonight earlier than normal since I don't have to work. If you need to talk again, I'll be around.
Hugs, Mary
"God, help me keep my head up, my heart open, and know I'll always be guided along the path."
I'm so glad you stopped by and thank you for your kind words.
This stuff is hard, it's really hard and I thought that yesterday was my breaking point. I WAS ready to throw in the towel and say enough is enough, I can not do this any longer, but once again there was a greater pull to keep pressing on.
No matter how many ways I look at my circumstances, the wench even being a part of these circumstances, that she had the nerve, to show up at an event that I was at with H and my S, well it's just wrong, plain and simple it's just wrong. What will she do next? Come knocking at my door ask to come in to talk to my H? W-THE!!! I never signed up for this cruise.
I know she's not entirely to blame, my H is obviously feeding her hope, leading her on, trying to be her friend, taking responsibility for her sadness/unhappiness becuase HE left HER...so they both have responsibility to end this, if it is what my H really wants to do. He/they started it and didn't ask for my advice so wench/H need to end it..before it's too late.
My H did come home last night, didn't call to let me know where he was, but showed about 9 pm, drunk. So many things were going through my mind before he came home. So many impulsive thoughts that I thankfully didn't act on. I was thinking I'd pay the wench a visit, and let her know what I thought of her, wanted to leave H voicemails, etc. but didn't.
H came in the door, I said "I wasn't expecting you to be here" tonight and he repeated it and then said "Oh" came over to me and gave me a drunken hug, I said I'm glad you're home and then H said "okay that's enough" which ended the hug.
When H gets in the mood of yesterday he has flashbacks to prebomb, to the way I WAS and throws it in my face, I need to remind H that I am no longer that person, she is gone, I don't know her anymore and she is not me today, so if he keeps looking at THE OLD ME then I can see why he thinks it's best to move on.
Positives: He was with me and S all weekend, he related to me at the event, he stood by me, his friends stood by us and we DID have a good time which I pointed out to H, "H I had a good time" We spent all day Sunday together, H WAS dragging his feet about visiting the wench later that evening. H came home to me last night and broke his three week record...we might be moving to four, but then againt the week isn't over. H was drunk and came home to me...for some reason it doesn't sound like a positive..hmmm....well at least not on H's end, but H hasn't come home in that condition in MONTHS!
There was no "talk" last night, which I knew wouldn't materialize. H was all talk yesterday, looking for victims, and once he achieved his goal, to upset me..he was fine. At one point he did say "now you know what my life is like" WHAT-THE!!
So I'm pressing on, and looking forward not backwards.
I'm thankful you were around yesterday, some days I need to talk to a person and there isn't anybody in my 3D life that I CAN talk to about this, that would understand so the support of my cyberfriends is something I am so very thankful for, without it I'd be a basket case.
Yes the OW, what is her problem? It's just wrong, wrong..the whole picture and that she can't see it, that H can't see well it's just boggles the mind that people can live their lives this way, it has be selfishness pure and simple. The ME generation at it's finest. To think you can have it all and not care or see that it's affecting so many people's lives, just as long as you get what you want. Then once you have it, what do you do then? The goal is achieved and where do you go from there? That you destroyed a marriage to get what YOU want, how can someone live with that, how can you build a new R on lies and desparation?
Just checking in. We seem to have the same questions in mind. Wish we had answers! I too see a desperate ow in both of our situations. Good grief! We didn't sign up for this. What could ow be thinking? That these men will be faithful? or Are they just that desparate/ needy?
I wish I had answers for us. This detachment feels pretty good!
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
I don't know what's happening to me! OW sent a pizza to H's jobsite and H thought I sent it, even told our S that I sent it to him as he had it on the seat of his truck when he picked him up and when I got home from work I told H I didn't send it to him. This woman is NOT going away!! She's getting worse.
So then we got into a discussion, H wants to move out, been unhappy for the last two years, he should never have moved back home, said he wanted to give me a chance, blah, blah. I said some things I probably shouldn't have, that she was an adultress and didn't it bother him and he said no. I also told him he only gave me half a chance really, as OW has been like a ghost the whole time. I told him this is just wrong, it's not right the way things are, I feel like OW is invading our lives, my life and it's wrong, just wrong!
H said he told her he didn't want anything to do with her, to move on....I don't know how long ago this was, but that she wouldn't/won't leave him alone, she's like the plague, a fatal attraction he said.
I can't stop crying, I woke up and just cried deep, racking sobs from the bottom of my stomach, I can't get my emotions under control today.
I'm looking at these last few months, and thinking I've been fooled by what I've been seeing feeling from H. I know H said he wanted a D, said things last night, yet I don't quiet believe him, that he hasn't talked to OW about it and the biggee he hasn't stayed over with her for weeks, yet he's acting like there's nothing with us. Has no feelings for me, he's only there for S, yet why did I think things were turning around, getting a little better. What Happened and what's happening to me.
I can't see straight, can't see anything right now, I'm drowning in myself and can't seem to get a grip.
I've been praying, talking to the Lord, but I can't really hear him, my emotions are so loud and that's all I hear, I want this to be over, this pain, just everything. And if H moves out and we do D maybe I can find peace and happiness. I just don't know right now, I just don't know.
I'm taking a break from the BB I think, my mind is so confused, taking a break from it all.
I am so sorry that things are bad for you right now, my friend. I hate what this is doing to you.
I get like this sometimes and I've found that what works is to have a short period of really good crying, hitting pillows, etc....and then....just sit there. Feel it and then let it go. It never really goes away but I have come to sorta control it so that at least it's now "out there". I don't smile if I dont' feel like it. I walk slow if I feel like it. I don't try to be happy and perky if I don't feel like it....I just am.
Quote: I'm taking a break from the BB I think, my mind is so confused, taking a break from it all.
I know how you feel. What if you just take a break from trying to save the M and just be you...whichever "you" you feel like being, regardless of what H says or does?
Please take care and stop by and let us know how you're doing. My thoughts and prayers are with you today Cathy.
Cathy, I'm going to take a stab at this. One of my H's counselors told him long ago that she didn't want him to get to a place where he totally shut down his emotions. She knew if he didn't stay in therapy, he would do just that. I tend to think that is why my H can just ignore me, ow, sister, kids, etc. He had shut down emotionally. It's like a need to protect themselves from others hurt and rejection. Though I've seen glimmers of change. Could this be what is going on?
I do understand the ow's stalking doesn't help. But these are desparate times for her. Should he remain with you, changes are coming her way that she doesn't want to deal with. I've seen this first hand over the last month.
Take a break, keep dbing with your H. Reach for that detachment you had.
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
and came home to me...for some reason it doesn't sound like a positive..hmmm....well at least not on H's end, but H hasn't come home in that condition in MONTHS!