Looking for the Positives

[holdingon]

You know, Dbing says to validate... and validating is always good, but I really think there is a time when it actually WORKS and a time when it just stops arguments... I guess maybe it WORKS all the time, but doing different things.

For instance, validating with my H now, saying Yes, I realize I did those things and I'm sorry tends to stop arguments. I don't think my H is thinking it is about him at all, but he can't argue with me cause I'm not going there. Does this make any sense? I think some WAS are so out of it, in the tunnel, fed up, whatever that nothing we do tends to make them think.

Cathy... I see your H getting it. And I think this is hard for him. Now is the time to really validate, really give him space when he's a grump, expect him to have down time after moving close, etc. I think you are really seeing results from your DBing. You go girlfriend.