As to be expected, H is on a downswing. Answers his phone "what?" and I said is that anyway to answer your phone? Then asked me what I wanted. I said I just called to see how your day was going. H IS not in a good mood today, says he has too much stress in his life. I told him he needed to get rid of some of it then. Said to me "OW and you are playing me for a fool or mind games" or something like that.

First of all I don't think I'm pressuring H to do anything, nor ask him to do anything (okay going out to dinner, he is my husband so how can he complain about that and we haven't been out in months) or ask H to make any decisions about anything..if any of this makes sense.

S and I are supposed to go with him Friday night and he's back and forth, back and forth, one day he's telling us what we can do while he's fishing and then the next day he's telling us not to come. I said "you don't want me to come, is that what you're saying?" and he wouldn't respond. I said if you don't want me to come then just tell me.

I figure our conversation isn't heading anywhere so I told him I'd let him go and that I'd talk to him later, no sound..I say are you there? H said yeah I'm here" more silence and I say well "bye, hope your day gets better" and hang up.

I guess he needs some space or something, which I can give to him. I'm sure OW is pressuring/bugging him that she hasn't seen him in awhile, at least I ASSume he hasn't seen her, I know he hasn't stayed the night in over two weeks.

This is H's last fishing tournament for the summer, so he will have more time on his hands after this weekend. I guess I'll have to think of ways to fill up the time.

Why is it that when is H is in his mood, when he makes reference to OW, I feel this new lightness, my mood becomes more upbeat and I feel more loving towards H. There is also that anxious feeling, like oh no what's going to happen, will H succomb to OW pressures? Is H getting towards his breaking point? I know/feel he's awakening from his fog, his actions and words of the last month are showing me that, but how will he break free of OW? I also feel our M is where H wants to be and not with OW, that she's more of a burden right now than anything else. H has feelings for her that developed from his R with her, but I think H has it in him to disengage himself from that R at some point. He's going to blow up, which is usually when he makes his deicions, and OW might just be the one to push him to the breaking point. From what I see and feel WE are getting closer, we are moving towards something better, there is a new feel to our sitch, my inituition is telling me this and it's for the better.

Cathy