Quote: why can’t I ask him anything, question him as to what he ‘s doing? I’m told that you have to just leave an MLC’er alone, not question them on their whereabouts, no pressure, but then how do I find out anything about his life? He has all these friends from work that I know of, yet H doesn’t share his work life with me nor did he before this all happened. I mean HOW do I find this stuff out?
I've been wondering this as well. I dont' know his work friends since he got this job about 6 months before the bomb but you're right.....HOW can we know anything about them? about their life? about their friends?
Quote: I’m trying to be upbeat all the time and I am finding I’m so much happier when H isn’t around. I’m trying to keep ALL my feelings inside and not share with H either, NOT until H’s is ready to talk to me…which could be never. This “crashing” thing that they do in MLC, well I don’t know if it’s going to happen with my H,
Same here! I feel I might be the one to "crash" though. I mean, how long can we continue to NOT say anything???
Sorry for the hijack Cathy.
I do think your anniversary gift for H is wonderful.
H said "YES"! We're going out to eat for our anniversary!! My H said yes!! I don't know, but to me this seems like something bigger than a babystep.
I guess there are days when I'm just going to torture myself, doubt everything, see everything the wrong way and then I look to the Lord and he sets me on my path again! It is His doing, my faith is in the Lord and I need to keep looking his way, looking to him for my answers. Cause when I ask, He answers.
Quote: H said "YES"! We're going out to eat for our anniversary!! My H said yes!! I don't know, but to me this seems like something bigger than a babystep.
Last night was great, fantastic, we had a great time! H loved his gift, we talked about some of the very things that I was complaining about yesterday, H not letting me in on his life, it was like a date with someone I hadn't seen in awhile, and we got caught up. I wasn't going to bring our son at all, H did once or twice, but other than that it was just US!!!! I really focussed on H and getting him to talk. So when he says we never talk, well that's just H saying "words" that really have no meaning.
H mentioned a concert that "he is supposed to go to" I said with who, H said OW..OW bought the tickets and wanted H to go with, but H said "I don't want to go with her" in a tone of voice that suggested it was out of the question. I told him what she could do with those tickets. I think H likes to bring OW up to just to get a reaction out of me. When we first started dating, he did this with W#2...so hopefully in time it will fade, like it did with W#2.
We ML once S4 went to bed, it was just a great evening! I thanked H for going to dinner and said that we needed to it more often. And really we do, it gives us time to "talk" and be together. So hopefully this will be the first of more dates. We haven't been out to dinner alone since March!
And, you know what, what I said about having a great weekend because H wasn't here, well that was baloney, I have a great time with H, too. We've had a great summer so far and I just need to focus on those great times!! Granted when H is around I do have to focus, focus and it can be work at times,. I think I’m more careful of wording things appropriately, keeping in mind M/V makes our time together a little more challenging. So when H isn’t around I find myself relaxing more, I don’t have to try so hard.
I thought of you many times yesterday and silently wished you a Happy Anniversary. It was also my H's birthday so we were celebrating here too.
I know what you mean about having a good time when your H isn't home. You can relax and not be on guard so much. I feel the same way still. I don't ever stop DBing - even when he isn't here - but I find that I can relax a little and not worry that I am going to somehow blow it with him. I am sure you understand.
Of course, I am always the happiest when he is here with us or we are together. We still haven't had our date yet, but I'm giving it more time. Our anniversary is in November, so if not by then, then I will do what you did!
I am so glad that you had such a great evening. And it wasn't even close to a baby step - I'd say it was a LEAP in the right direction! But don't get spoiled and think he will keep on leaping, remember he may even retreat (heaven forbid that he admit to having fun with his wife ), but you know he had fun so you can keep walking around with that smile on your face!
Have a great day!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
), but you know he had fun so you can keep walking around with that smile on your face!