I typed up my weekend events, thoughts, etc. and just think they're not worth posting. Not that we didn't have a great weekend and there were positives, lots of them, but nothing earth shattering.
For so long I've been posting the ups and downs of my sitch, well more the downs then the ups and now that things are on the upswing I don't feel the urgency to run to the BB every day or feel that I have anything worth posting. It's more journaling than anything else.
I also have to admit I have no idea what I'm doing anymore or where I'm trying to go . The OW is still in the picture somewhere, I don't know any details of that as H has been home for the last two weeks straight, well if not home then out fishing.
Since H hasn't come right out and said the words "I want to work on our marriage" I don't know what I can do at this point. Validate, show I care, appreciate, compassion, unconditional love those things I know how to do, but until H commits to the M I feel stuck. Until H says OW is history or will he say OW is history and how will I know when she is history I just float along.
One thing about this weekend does stick out as a positive or more that I'm "hearing or seeing" differently.
Because we don't have a vechile with room enough for four and able to pull a boat we ended up taking two vehicles. In my H's eyes it was dumb, yes it was dumb, but our only choice.
So we took off Friday after work in our two vehicles, H and S20 in truck w/boat-me and S4 in car and almost instantly were separated. (S4 DID NOT like that he couldn't ride with the boys either). Well I just felt this incredible loss, like we had been left behind, like a duckling who had lost it's mother. Well not too long after that H called to see if we were behind them and where we were and told me where he was and I caught up. It was a sad feeling not being together in the same vehicle as a family.
On the way home, we ended up losing each other once again..the duckling losing it's mother feelings comes back. S4 had to take a potty break. As I'm getting back up onto the highway H calls to see what happened, I explained and he told me where they were and then he offered to pull off and wait for us. I said okay and we hung up. I called H back to find out where they were and H said they decided not to wait for us. I just said that's fine we'll catch up to you. So not too long after that H calls again asks what mile marker I'm at, I tell him, he says he's about 10 miles ahead of us and tells me they'll pull off and wait and once again we are together.
So maybe H's taking two cars being "dumb" comment was him saying that he wished we were together traveling rather than separate.
We will, within the next year have a vehicle be it truck of SUV large enough to haul us all and a boat!
I did thank H twice for letting us catch up/waiting for us!
Glad you had a good weekend! Don't worry about driving up in two different cars....you were together during the vacation right?! I do know what you mean about wanting to be in one car as a family as getting there is half the fun sometimes.
Quote: For so long I've been posting the ups and downs of my sitch, well more the downs then the ups and now that things are on the upswing I don't feel the urgency to run to the BB every day or feel that I have anything worth posting. It's more journaling than anything else.
I feel the same. I was thinking about it this past weekend. This bb has been my lifeline for so long and you are my friends...I keep coming back to my friends....to let you know what I'm to....to check up on ya'll but I no longer feel as if I have anything worth posting...related to H anyway.
I hope you will continue to journal and let us/me know what you're up to.
Thanks for stopping by and you are right my freinds who've helped me through this mess/maze of the last year are all here. I still come to the BB, but just don't have lots to post or maybe just laziness.
I have been reading my mars/venus book, but am thinking the KLA tapes might be the next purchase. Do you have them and if so do you use them? I went over to the forum and printed out some of the threads.
Quote: have been reading my mars/venus book, but am thinking the KLA tapes might be the next purchase. Do you have them and if so do you use them?
I’m glad you’re continuing to read M/V. I think it has a lot of useful information for those of us that are looking to learn new/better communication skills.
Yes, I have the KLA tapes. I listened to all of them but haven’t done so in a bit. They’re very good at reminding you techniques, giving encouragement, boosting your PMA (as in “You can do it”). I stopped listening to them because I felt that my sitch was hopeless and that the tapes are better suited for those of you in “Piecing” and because dd would tell me (while listening to them in car), “No mommy, not the lady! Put music on.”
BUT….I might start listening to them again. It’s given me a new “action-oriented” mindset and the strategies are useful in any R.
I'm considering purchasing them, thanks for the feedback.
Last night S4 had t-ball and swim lessons. H picked S4 up from day care and was mowing the lawn when I got home last night. At one point he came in to use the bathroom and I asked H if he was coming to t-ball/swimming lessons, H said "no, someone has to mow the lawn, do you want to mow the lawn?" glaring at me. I said I can mow the lawn if you want to go. H said I'm mowing the lawn, so S4 and I got ready and left, we had ten minutes to get the ballpark and I think H just didn't want to go, but use the lawn as an excuse. H doesn't like mowing the lawn or so he claims and it could have waited till tonight to be mowed, H knew S4 had games.
As we were on the way to swimming lessons which followed t-ball H calls from his cellphone to ask me if I had forgotten S4's water bottle, which I knew I had and I said yes. I'm thinking if he had to mow the lawn so bad why is calling me from his cellphone in his truck?
H wasn't too interested in having any kind of conversation with me last night. He did ask me a few questions, but if I addressed him he ignored me. So I just went about my business.
I've been up since 4:30 this morning which is when H gets up to go to work. I worked on my checkbook and walked on the treadmill. Once in awhile it bothers me as I don't know why he gets up at this time since he doesn't start work till 6:30 and it's only about a half hour drive to his jobsite. So my mind is thinking he's stopping at OW's and seeing here before he goes to work. On the other hand H has always arrived at work well before his start time so maybe HE is just sitting around waiting for work to start.
I sometimes want to ask him, but do I want to hear that HE is stopping to see OW? So I'm ASSuming he's not stopping and just getting to work early to think.
Wow! That's a busy little guy! Dd has music class tonight and toddler story time tomorrow am.
Quote: I sometimes want to ask him, but do I want to hear that HE is stopping to see OW? So I'm ASSuming he's not stopping and just getting to work early to think.
I would leave it alone. Perhaps this is the only "H" times he gets, perhaps he likes to have his coffee before all the other people get there, perhaps he IS thinking, etc......
I know that sometimes I like to come in early (don't get to often) and just enjoy the space by myself, have coffee, take my time with stuff, not have co-workers asking me this or that......
Quote: H wasn't too interested in having any kind of conversation with me last night. He did ask me a few questions, but if I addressed him he ignored me. So I just went about my business.
The back-to-back t-ball/swim lessons are Monday's only, one more night like that, but the swim lessons are the rest of this week and next week. This is my first real taste of "running", the kid's sport thing. I am looking forward to it and like the idea of my S4 being involved in sports, but if I start now at 4 and continue through high school...well that's a lot of miles and time.
I called H before lunch today and we chit chatted briefly, H's voice was very mono-tone, no emotion. He hasn't been very busy all day so lots of time to think. I'm thinking cave time, too.
You know what I found interesting in the M/V book? That women are like waves and that it's normal for woman to ebb and flow. I'm thinking men need their cave time, but woman don't label it like we do PMS. When I would say I was PMSing my H would say it's all in my head, but to me it is very real. Cave time/the rubber band is man, what do we call that then? CT? Ohh he's CTing? Just a whacky thought for today.
. The OW is still in the picture somewhere, I don't know any details of that as H has been home for the last two weeks straight, well if not home then out fishing.
And yes, looking at the threads, seems like good stuff. 