Let’s post some positives if that’s what you want to call them.
H’s mood last night was that of an irritating teenager, that’s the only way I can describe it.
H made some comment about OW, which he’s been does here and there, throwing in digs, things to get me going. After a certain comment last night I called him an *SS-he was—and said why did you say that!? H – I don’t know, just to irritate you.
Our S made a negative comment about my Sis and I told S that we don’t talk about people like that, that it hurts Aunt’s feelings when you say that and people come in all shapes and sizes and I looked up to see H (with his beer gut) “smirking” in the mirror at our S, like he thought it was funny too. H instantly recovered and agreed with me.
S was laying with H in bed and S was supposed to be coming down from his day and I hear them both laughing and H is in their tickeling him and when I walk in the room they both look at me, like they are the same age.
Okay maybe these aren’t positives, just the mindset of a 50 year old man and normal behavior for my H or an H in MLC. Although it hasn’t been showing lately, in fact it’s been quite a while.
H was very playful last night, like a boy who likes a girl. Doesn’t know how to just be nice so has to do little irritating things..actually they did make me laugh.
H did finish weedwacking the lawn for me, I started but didn’t finish—no arm power to get it started the second time around. I thanked him and told him he does a better job than I do.
H told me he would more than likely be fishing the next two nights, too. We’ll see.
Ya know the thing that I see as a great big positive? The fact that you have learned so much and are able to see the situation for what it was. You quickly identified this as teenage behavior and acted accordingly.
Without that up front insite, you would have handled things differently. Might have even missed the signs that H has a crush on the cute girl/W!
Quote: Might have even missed the signs that H has a crush on the cute girl/W!
I relate my H's behavior to a time when I was a freshman I believe and this eighth grader or maybe seven grader had a crush on me and the way he showed it was by punching me in the arm or just doing silly things when he was around me. It wasn't till after I was out of high school that I found out he did have a crush on me
I'm not a teenager and hope some day H will realize he is not either, but it's kind of fun for now.
Golf outing was fun, DEFINITELY room for improvement…for how easy it looks golf is HARD! Our foursome was three woman and a man. The man carried us, he is an awesome golfer!!
As I was heading out to my outing, I called H. First asked how his tuna sandwich was that I had made him for lunch. H said “okay, it was kind of mushy and the bread was soggy. I made it the night before. Dinner the night before wasn’t very good either, hamburgers weren’t cooked all the way through and H ended up tossing his in the garbage. Okay I am not a cook, nor do I play one on TV. These kinds of comments in the past are what drove my decision NOT to cook/make lunches for H. He complained. Hearing it yesterday, I accepted it as the truth, my H does not hold back nor ever has. So I didn’t take it as criticism, it was H being honest. I asked, H answered.
So I replied “oh great, I messed up your hamburger last night and now your sandwich” with kind of a laugh to go with the words. H said “thanks for the effort though.”
Told H about my golf outing, being on vacation last week and just getting back to work forgot about it and wanted to H let know that I would be done in time to pick up S. H said I can pick S up, I’m not fishing tonight.
After golf I went grocery shopping and when I got home H and S were out in the yard playing catch with a soft baseball. Came in the house, H saw my email about our department picnic which is this Sunday. H said something about me never having a department picnic before and I said we haven’t, this is the first year.
We are going up North this weekend and the picnic is on Sunday. H said are you going? I said well I thought WE could all go. H said we’re going up north and we’re not rushing back to go to the picnic! I said I know that, but IF we are back early I would like to go for awhile. I didn’t get upset, took it lightheartedly. We MIGHT be back early and we MIGHT not, but until the day actually gets here I really don’t know when we’ll be back nor does H so no use getting upset about anything at this point. If we missed the picnic it really wouldn’t be that big of a deal either.
I was struggling with how to bring up the picnic with H for the last few days. Not sure why, maybe because I ASSume he won’t want to go. Won’t go to be MY family things, but I ASSume that’s because of our sitch for the last year or so. The people I work do not know our sitch or anything about what’s been happening for the last year or so. I thought the best way (okay cowards way) to bring the subject up with H would be to print out the info and leave it on the counter for H to see…worked I guess.
Some days I'd rather not ask and set myself up for rejection or I just ASSume H, friend, whoever won't want to go anyway so why ask..
There were a few instances last evening where I asked H a question and he either didn’t hear me or ignored me. In the car I looked at him and he had his eyes closed and was rubbing them like he had a headache. When I asked if he had a headache, no answer. Cave time maybe?
Quote: asked how his tuna sandwich was that I had made him for lunch. H said “okay, it was kind of mushy and the bread was soggy. I made it the night before. Dinner the night before wasn’t very good either, hamburgers weren’t cooked all the way through and H ended up tossing his in the garbage. Okay I am not a cook, nor do I play one on TV.
Okay, girlfriend, time for a little Kitchen 101!
First of all - you never make tuna or other soggy sandwiches the night before! (Actually, it's usually best not to make any sandwiches the night before - but, if your schedules require that - try getting some of that inexpensive "disposable" tupperware stuff and putting the tuna in that, then the bread in a baggie - he can then assemble his lunch and it won't be soggy. Also works if you put the tomato in a baggie to be added to a meat sandwich later.)
And, if you're not sure if a burger or chicken breast is cooked through - it's okay to cut into one with a knife and look!
Seems like cooking is something you have a predetermined belief about (" I can't do it") - and maybe you could make it a goal to learn? I can cook okay but got really lazy about it when my kids were little and in their fishsticks and spaghettios stages - now I realize how much it means to my H to come home from a hard day at work to a really nice meal. Get some friends to teach you!
Sounds like the golf outing was fun. Our annual family tournament (28th year) is next week. I haven't golfed in at least 3 years so I am not sure if I will or not. The only thing going for me is that they handicap it - so my high score might actually work in my favor.
Did you ever take your S4 to SPiderman 2? I am debating if S3 and S6 should see it. I rented Spiderman and we watched it after I watched it first. It held their attention for a while, but anything not having to do with action and swinging will lose them - eg. mushy stuff.
There is a new place here called Let's Dish. You go to a place with a cooler and at the class you assemble (all the cutting and browning and stuff is done) meals for your family. It's like a tupperware party for folks who don't want to putz in the kitchen. I am going to look into it. I like to cook but get bored with the same stuff. But three kids and a low-carb hubby make my options limited. I'll let you know if they have one near you - could be fun for you and a friend to check out.
I hope it works out that you can do the family weekend up north and the work picnic. I know those things are awkward. I rarely attended our stuff and when I did, I went alone. I shouldn't have assumed he didn't want to go - because after a while I suspect he figured I didn't want him to go. The opposite was true - another argument for open and honest communication huh?
I like this thread of positives. And remember, it may seem like the tiniest thing, but if it is a positive - then it is a positive. They are never too small.
So we are dunping your old thread right? Maybe JJ would do us all a favor and lock it - or we just might get confused again - LOL!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I did take S4 along with SS20 to see Spiderman 2, it was intense in a few scenes and at one point S4 leaned over and whispered "mom, I only want to see this movie once" For some reason the big screen is more intimidating vs. watching at home. It's loud, everything is big, you can't just run to another room during a scene of put the "mute" on, so I'm very picky about which movies I see on the big screen.
Quote: I hope it works out that you can do the family weekend up north and the work picnic. I know those things are awkward. I rarely attended our stuff and when I did, I went alone. I shouldn't have assumed he didn't want to go - because after a while I suspect he figured I didn't want him to go. The opposite was true - another argument for open and honest communication huh?
The reason I want H to go is so that he CAN meet the people I work with, he's met my boss and few from our office, but other than that not to many. In part, becuase of me, and this is going to sound terrible, I was embarrased to be with him (which was really MY problem not his) so I'm sure he felt the "mood" BUT I am over that and ready to show him off to the world.
Last night H go home from fishing a little before 10. S20 and H fished in a local tournament last night. When H got home, I could tell something was up, his body language, words were clipped. I helped him get the boat backed into the garage, H said he didn't need my help that he could do it, but I helped anyways.
H comes in the house, into the bathroom where I am and says "I have to go do something, I'll be back later" and left. H comes back about an hour and half later, I was in bed reading/dozing when he got back. H went into the bathroom to take a shower and I shut off the bedroom light. H showered got into bed and was way on his side of the bed and I just left him alone. I woke up a little before 3:30 am as H had gotten up to go into the bathroom, I could hear him getting dressed.
H went into the kitchen where H was and asked H what was wrong. He said "I can't sleep, having an anxiety attack" as he's putting his work boots on. I asked him if he wanted to tell me where he went and he said "no" so I didn't pursue it. I said are you going to work and H said why not I get up early anyways, you go back to bed, at least one of us should get some sleep.
H got in his truck, drove off, stopped and backed back into the driveway and then left again.
The positive here is that IF H did go to OW's he didn't spend the night, but then I really have no idea where he went or what was up either. BUT H did come back.
H did ask if S4 got to use his new baseball bat, I said yes he did, we went to my parents house and my dad, B and me played baseball. S4 did all the hitting, we did all the chasing of the balls, but it was fun and we had a good evening.
So are you really saying, Cooking for Dummies 101?
I do have to learn how to cook don't I. I did go online yesterday and there is a book "Cooking for Dummies" which I will purchase. I also need a decent set of cooking pans and a new stove. The stove we have is about 20 years old, the burners are awful and I think I just talked myself into a new stove
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I said I know that, but IF we are back early I would like to go for awhile. I didn’t get upset, took it lightheartedly. We MIGHT be back early and we MIGHT not, but until the day actually gets here I really don’t know when we’ll be back nor does H so no use getting upset about anything at this point. If we missed the picnic it really wouldn’t be that big of a deal either.
