I posted this on my old thread yesterday, but am moving it over here as it's POSITIVE...isn't it??
Ramblings and thoughts,
I just don’t know what’s gotten into the both of us anymore. We’re both talking like we have a future together. We’re making plans for more than a few days out, H is telling me his plans and I’m listening. That was yesterday.
I’m getting confused, forgetting we have a “problem” in our life. H’s mood is good, he even said “I need to wean myself” or should I say mumbled something like that, I’m sure he was referring to OW. Maybe he’s seeing that that R is going nowhere or maybe he’s “awakening” some, I really don’t know, but the baby steps are there, the STEPS are there and noticeable.
He’s admitting how tired he is, how exhausting his life is, that he knows why it’s so tiring, the RUNNING as he refers to it. He admitted yesterday he is just beat, his body feels beaten and he is TIRED.
Last night at dinner, I noticed him looking at me, just looking at me and then I averted my eyes and looked up again and he was watching S and smiling.
He’s flirty with me, he’s talking to me like a real person, we’re having small real conversations. Oh there are moments like last night when I was trying to cook dinner, bathe S and help H on the computer. I was being pulled three different ways, I am a multitasker so was handling it well till H said “is the chicken burning?” as he was sitting at the computer and I was in the bathroom with S. He did start to get up, but I ran to get it off the stove and made the comment that I’m doing three different things and H said “that’s your job” it kind of ticked me off a little, but then reminded myself, for now, I'm doing this for the Lord. H has always been this way, so it really doesn't come as a surprise, just something to think about for now. Don’t want to upset the applecart too soon, so will keep it in my “to do” file for later. I’m reading M/V want to finish the book, absorb the book so I know what I’m doing, what I’m dealing with. I’ve never entered the male mind and it’s interesting to read what it’s all about. The female mind is even more interesting.
Last night H and S went to bed at the same time, early! I had time to read, relax and after the day I had with our S. He’s a strong willed, independent, feisty little guy and there are days it takes all my strength to keep from…well I won’t even go there, he is a challenge. That time to myself was a gift from my H, it’s little things like that give me the strength to deal with our S, with my life, with our R. Even though H more than likely doesn’t realize he gave me a gift, I think a thank you is in order. A thank you for being a wonderful father to our S and that by taking S to bed with H, for whatever reason, it ended up being a gift of time for me.
