Wow Dave that is such good stuff I wish I could remeber this kind of stuff when the convo is happening. I think I just need to start pratcing with it so that my mind is working when we are having these convos.
The PM HOM stuff really helps you "hear" the good, the bad and the ugly in convos. While it's easy to de-fuse your language, it's really hard to see when they are using fusion-language on you.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Yesterday night I decided to have another conversation with my wife about making love. I told her yesterday that I want to make love twice a week. She said that she doesn't feel like it. So I asked her if she would try if she thought that it would make things better between us. She really didn't answere that. so then I asked her if she had any sexual toughts. She said no and that sex really wasn't all that important. I then said do you think you could try thinking about it. She asked why would she do that. I said so that you can start getting that feeling back so be can become close. She then asked me would I eat worms to make our relationship better. I said I might but we aren't talking about something that is disgusting. That this was sex and it was really good feeling and you seem to enjoy it a lot. She said that in the moment it is great. I said well then do you think you can do this. Then again she said that she didn't feel like having sex. So I left it at that.
I am feeling very irriatated about these comments. She wants me to do some things for her. But then expects that she doesn't have to do anything with me that I enjoy. So i have been thinking I would I want to do these things for her. Im not really feeling that EC that says to me wow I feel loved and I love her so I really want to go get that shake for her or help her with something that she wants help with. But without that EC I feel like go get your own damn shake. Or figure it out for yourself.
I mean really what else is ther to do but tell her that I if these things continue that I will be leaving soon. I am very scared about this. Because I will miss my D so very much. That really tears me up in side. ALl yo PM people will probably say that is really fused. I can even see that my wife and I have some of those fused tendancies. I think its time to detach a little and really start to figure out where I want to go.
I will have to take a couple of days to cool off from this because I can tell right now I am hurt and I need to think clearly to do this stuff.
Quote: She then asked me would I eat worms to make our relationship better. I said I might but we aren't talking about something that is disgusting.
Good answer, Lee! My W pulled the same thing on me, but It was something like "would you stick needles in your eyes if I thought it would make the relationship better?" Of course the answer is multipart: 1) I didn't enter into a relationship that presupposes that the two parties will mutilate themselves as part of being in the relationship; 2) if sex for you is equal (or close) to sticking needles in your eyes, then we need to get you to a doctor; 3) if sex for you is equal emotionally to sticking needles in your eyes, we need to get to a psychologist; and 4) if I had been told prior to marrying you that I would be expected to participate in needles stuck in my eyes, and married you anyway, then yes, I'd stick them in my eyes. (But, more than likely, I would have said "I do...not" at the altar.)
It's not like we're just here for the sex, but dang, it is a reasonable expectation.
When I was writing that I was thinking how very similar that or sitch is going. My W isn't the feminst that yours is but I think she is as stubborn as yours is.
Well this weeked was just ok. I feel like it is getting to that time to move on. W and I talked a little over the weekend and I came away with the fact that she doesn't feel like it so she won't ML to me.
I don't remeber how we got on this subject but we were talking about Lesbians. She was telling me that lesbians only have sex for the first year or so and then basically stop. I said that was a bunch of bull!!! That there are women out there that like sex evey bit as much as men. She said that women don't reall want sex and that was it. That men are just competely sexual and that is all we think about.
With this thinking I don't know how I am every going to get through to her that this is important to what I need to stay in this marriage. And yes I have told her and I am not seeing really any changes.
Every time I think about leaving right now I think of my Daughter and really don't want to break that up. I guess I need to work on my feelings about this.
There is a lot of FACT regarding sexuality (both genders) readily available.
I wonder which study she is referencing regarding women's sexuality.
You might consider asking her where she got her facts, and offer a written counterpoint.
If she just doesn't want to do you, that is one thing, but assigning all of womankind - mankind for that matter, a rather narrow and incorrect version of sexuality, is not only wrong, but it is a mistake for someone to be so self-deceived.
You have probably tried to get her to read TSSM. If not, you should. It would do her good to read just about any current treatise (scientific, not opinion) on human sexuality.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Grislen, this is the kind of crap my W sometime spouts. When I ask her where she gets such info, she looks at me and says something like, "I've done the research." I called her bluff once and asked her to provide me with some articles or books that supported her theory (it was about some other issue, about paternalism, I think) and she NEVER provided me with anything. So, ask her wife where she gets her info from. Then, go onto some lesbian web site and ask for some testimony from lesbians with long time partners about their sex lives. I bet you'll prove her wrong.
Quote: So, ask her wife where she gets her info from. Then, go onto some lesbian web site and ask for some testimony from lesbians with long time partners about their sex lives. I bet you'll prove her wrong.
There are HD and LD lesbians, just like there are HD and LD straight women. On a couple occasions, I have been "hit on" by a HD lesbian. Of course this is just anecdotal evidence that is unlikely to convince your wife. I suggest purchasing a couple truly lesbian porn magazines. Of course she might suggest that they were produced/staged for a male audience, but she would be wrong.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
