I am new to this site, but not new to your issue. I have read through your entire post and definitely feel you are married to my W. Anyway, I am at a similar point in our M where I am getting so frustrated that I am considering if I throw in the towel.
One thing I wished to share was that I had went through this cycle for almost 5 years with my W. The first 4 years my W realized something was wrong with our M and felt it was her fault because the beginning seemed to coincide with the birth of our S. After spending a lot of money on endocronologists, urologists, gynocologists, physcologists, counselors and chiropracters (yes we pretty much tried everything), and recieved no answer as to why my W lost her drive and desire. It was not until 3 months ago that I stumbled across a similar website to this one and started reading several books and participating in these types of discussions that I actually realized that our M issue was not caused by our S's birth and began before this.
It turns out that I have some fundamental mistrust issues because of my past, that I projected onto my W. By my doing this and her feeling like I was controling and jealous, she lost trust in me to not hurt her emotionally. Unfortunately, we are now at a point where my W harbors more anger than love for me and this has made any attempts to move forward on my part almost impossible.
My point is, my W was mentioning my mistrust issues over the first four years of our trama and it did not make sense to me or hit me until three months ago. Is it possible that if you truly attempt to reflect inward, you might find something about yourself that actually has contributed to where you are. At least in your W's mind?
I wish you the best of luck on this troubled Journey.
