Have you discovered your wife's LL? I am wondering if she just doesn't feel loved by you. I know this was the case with my H.
My love language was quality time. He never seemed to have time for me... anyway, that was my perception. I would have loved for him to schedule dates, call me for a spur of the moment lunch, etc. I always felt 3 or 4th on the list.
His LL is physical touch. And he is a HD kind of guy. So, he finds OW who is delighted to have all the sex he wants. The convos here worry me...
You keep trying the same things it seems to me. You keep talking about what you want from her. What could my H have done (other than leave me) to make me feel loved? He could have put my needs ahead of his, made me feel special, filled MY love tank. Tried to satisfy me... and I hope I would have responded.
The thing is, if I had thought about my Hs needs, and he had thought about mine, we would have filled each other up, and he would not have sought out the A.
I made huge mistakes. I acted like your wife. I felt that if my H loved me, he should love me as I am, not want me to change. I understand where your wife is coming from. But asking her and begging her to change, to give you sex just because you want it, I don't see it working.
I still believe that if you make her feel special, that she is the only one you want to be with, have sex with, live with, raise a family with... really edify her, almost worship her, if you do all of these things, she will want to please you.
What could you do for your wife today. What would startle her, amaze her, let her know how much you love her? What does she ask you for?
I feel your pain, Lee. I don't want you two to D... but threatening to leave her because you want sex... basing your love for her on sex... no wonder she doesn't think you truly love HER.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
