So am I understanding you correctly that she doesn't think 8-11 hours is much sleep...or is she not sleeping well at night possibly? I know the few times I have slept that much I've either legitimately not felt well...or used it as an avoidance tactic (just as you mentioned)...if you feel she's using it to avoid you have you told her so yet?
Quote: she doesn't get much sleep and she needs it.
Is that true? If the weekend you described is in any way indicative of her sleep patterns, it sounds to me like she sleeps a LOT.
If she's right, that could be a legitimate problem for her. I personally don't sleep much; I'm up for work at about 4:15 every morning and rarely make it to bed before 10:00. So six hours of a sleep is a really good night for me. I KNOW that I don't sleep enough and I also know that, like many Americans, I suffer from chronic fatigue because of it. (I also know that getting too little sleep is bad for my health too. I keep saying that I'll do something about it, but it's kind losing that last stubborn 5 lbs...) So if she's really not getting enough sleep, I certainly can understand that. So was this weekend unusual? Or is that her normal pattern?
This weekend is fairly normal that is the problem. I have sat and watched her sleep for 24 straight hours before. On the weekend she probably sleeps 12 hrs a night. During the week I think she gets about 8 hrs of sleep a day. I don't think that she realizes how very much that she does sleep.
I don't know your W and don't know how she would take this, but if it was me, I would make a point of keeping track of how much she sleeps for a couple of weeks (maybe more). Then I would spring it on her. I would approach her with FACTS and tell her that I was concerned about how much she sleeps. Tell her that I know that different people require different amounts of sleep, but that I thought her sleeping so much was out of the ordinary. I would couch it in health terms rather than complaining that she won't ML because she's always asleep. Seriously, excessive sleepiness or tiredness can be a sign of physical problems as well as depression, e.g. elevated blood sugar levels (diabetes) can cause sleepiness and lethargy. Don't even mention sex, just her health and well being.
Lee, there is no reason why a kid should miss out on time spent with a parent because that parent refuses to get help. This is where (and why, imo) you might have to step in. I believe that your W works (?) so the weekends might be the only time that she is able to spend time with D, in which case it is a crying shame that she sleeps it all away.
No I haven't confronted her on the sleeping to avoid thing. Im not sure confronting her on this will do much good at this point in time.
Don't ever confront her on what you *think* is her problem. You (technically) shouldn't care unless it affects you. Draw attention to how it DOES affect you by speaking to your own needs, wants, desires, expectations etc. If it affects your life negatively, then make it a problem for her. Tell her "I was really embarrassed by the fact that you didn't attend the...." etc.
Just my 2c
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Well I decided that I would talk with my W yesterday I was in a very good mood and she seemed to be ok also. So yesterday night at about 9:00 pm I told her that I needed to talk to her. I told her that I would like to make love 2 times a week. Her response was why are you talking about this again. I don't want to fight about this. I then said that I don't want to fight about this either. That this is very important to me and to how the marriage works for me. She did not say another word about it. She was just quite. After about 5 mins of this she got up and went to the shower to get ready for work.
I think it will take a while to get it through to her that I will not give up on this. If I have to talk to her once a week for the next 3 months I will do it.
With the convo I was very calm and in a good mood after word. This time she at least didn't stomp off up stairs. So maybe that is progress .
That sounds identical to the time I talked to my W. Just keep it cool. If they don't respond and they don't wish to talk, then you did it correctly. I can only assume that you spoke from the "I" and "ME"...that's why she couldn't argue or fight with you. Very good. Congrats!!
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
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