I want us to be closer. And I want us to have a more active sex life
DANGER Will Robinson,
Just like asking your W to change something, using "us" in your request will be a big mistake (i've been there and done that).
Here's how it will (probably) play to an unenthusiastic partner....
L: I want us to be closer. And I want us to have a more active sex life W: I don't
End of convo.
L: I want to feel closer. I feel that more sex will make me feel closer to you W: I still don't want sex. L: You mean you don't want me to feel closer to you? Why?
sizzle...sizzle...it's crucible time.
Don't ever use "us" or "you". Remember, your relationship is not a 3rd entity. You are an individual and so is she. This took me a long time to realize even though it's been said to me in PM numerous times.
Today, while driving around I actually thought about this thread and had realization about this "relationship is not a 3rd entity" thing. It's a big trap that we all play into and shouldn't. I'm now working on the thought processes I need to adopt in order to change my behavior towards W in the correct way. Why? Your perception of the relationship is exactly that..."a perception". Your (and my) W has her "perception" of the R. It's pretty rare to have them be identical. That's why you hear so many people say "my wife thinks things are great while I'm miserable". Oddly, when you stop talking to the R, you might realize that it's *you* struggling with your feelings towards her and that the emotional connection you get from her helps you feel love for her.
I'll meditate on this more and share some ideas later. I'm glad you posted your convo. There are a few too many people on this board who just whine away valuable time that could be otherwise used to have the relationship they have always wanted...either with their W or with someone else.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
