Quote: About being strong, well, it seems to be a double edged sword. I'm fairly sure if I'd had a breakdown a few months ago this would have been over.
There is something here for ALL of us to ponder. I wonder just WHEN that "few months ago" might have been the appropriate time. What, in retrospect, would we be the signs and conditions that would inform us to finally be REAL to some degree? And, I would imagine the key to being successful WHENEVER we finally let them see our pain is figuring out how to do it and get the desired result without increasing their guilt (which will only increase their resentment).
I do think that there is a reframe here that may be informative yet offer little comfort. I think the fact that NG has been so clear about the fact that he never imagined being separate from you, is an indication WHY he may never have caught on that his greatest responsibility in this is to consider your feelings first. He probably feels that the fact that he loves you, and knows that he will remain with you, makes him feel like a heel in the other R.
So being the winner means coming in last. The trick now is to work together to build a new relationship where you both (naturally) place your M at the top of any list. I think you are headed in this direction, Keep your eyes on the prize.
