Hi Slowly, just got here to catch up with you. I see what you mean that we are in similar places again...but there are no R talks with my H, so I kind of go by instinct.
But it does sound so much the same.
I have to agree with you though, when I stop and think about it, in many ways the present is great, H is much nicer and more considerate and loving to me than he has been frankly in years...I guess I just need to know I'm THE woman in his life. Doesnt seem unreasonable to me. I don't know...
I do believe you have made huge progress in your sitch though... thinking of you... Deb
Wish I had some words of wisdom for you here, but ... oi ... this is where I've been stuck, too.
Will it wane to nothing or will there always be some excuse to keep in contact. At some point, you will determine which is the case or at least how long you're will to wait to see. In my case, I feel I reaching the end of the wait. Hope it turns out different for you.
Hi KAW - Yes indeed, this is a tough one. NG is opening up though. I find that the more clearly I express my hurt, the more receptive he seems to be to sharing his own feelings. Weird. Not at all what I expected.
But, contact still continues. Another week rolls by.
In the meantime, a schoolfriend and I are planning a BIG party - our joint 40th bash. I'm really looking forward to this.
Now, I must go catch up with friends here. Been pre-occupied lately. Slowly
One has to wonder why the contact, don't we? I think it's just way of "weanie" both themselves and ow away. Like you said, similar to trying to quit smoking.
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
The contact between W and OM is really upsetting me. I got the cell phone bill and saw how many calls there were. She knows that I cannot move forward if there is any contact, so we'll see what happens.
I hope your stronger than I am in this respect, and from your posts it seems that you are. She keeps coming back to the fact that this is between myself and her, and not the OM. Although this is true, the fact that she continues to do something that knowingly hurts me, weighs tremendously on my mind.
Hi Pattie - Weaning off is the very term NG used a few days ago. But, how effective can this possibly be when the talks still appear to center around endearments?
Hi Yaz - I share your hurt and frustrations. Strange as it may seem, NG did not see how his continued contact should hurt me, after all, he was being more loving, more attentive to me than ever before. Duh. Evidently, compartmentalisation is an art some people master.
About being strong, well, it seems to be a double edged sword. I'm fairly sure if I'd had a breakdown a few months ago this would have been over.
Quote: About being strong, well, it seems to be a double edged sword. I'm fairly sure if I'd had a breakdown a few months ago this would have been over.
There is something here for ALL of us to ponder. I wonder just WHEN that "few months ago" might have been the appropriate time. What, in retrospect, would we be the signs and conditions that would inform us to finally be REAL to some degree? And, I would imagine the key to being successful WHENEVER we finally let them see our pain is figuring out how to do it and get the desired result without increasing their guilt (which will only increase their resentment).
I do think that there is a reframe here that may be informative yet offer little comfort. I think the fact that NG has been so clear about the fact that he never imagined being separate from you, is an indication WHY he may never have caught on that his greatest responsibility in this is to consider your feelings first. He probably feels that the fact that he loves you, and knows that he will remain with you, makes him feel like a heel in the other R.
So being the winner means coming in last. The trick now is to work together to build a new relationship where you both (naturally) place your M at the top of any list. I think you are headed in this direction, Keep your eyes on the prize.
Hi Slowly, I've been thinking about you...interesting comments from taz and maya....It also certainly weighs heavily on m y mind that H continues to do something he knows is so hurtful to me (continued phone calls and contact), and maya's comment also rang a bell about winning meaning coming in last. I swear our H's sound so very much alike....Mine has said "I don't see what the big deal is here" when I bring it up...
Keep being strong and patient Slowly, I truly believe you will have the option of rebuilding with NG, and that OW will become a piece of history in your lives. I "feel" it in my bones
Slowly, dont waste your hard effort at achieving this. You've come this far and things are not yet perfect but you have great potentials if you play your card right...and I know you can do it, slow!
Sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see..
Slowly