my 1000th post - just noticed the count - wow - did not expect my journey here to be such a long haul
MyCainercast for the day - Some people wear their attitudes, beliefs and opinions like flowers in a buttonhole. They display them proudly but, when they wilt or wear out, they replace them with fresh supplies. Others though, tend to be more like gardeners who plant hardy perennials. They nurture their treasures, year after year. Something within you, though, is now growing in the wrong way, or in the wrong place. It needs digging up and transplanting or even replacing. You are finding the inner gardening process a bit traumatic but you also know it's essential if you want your life to blossom to its full potential.
Just checking in to see how things have been going for you. As for me still have problems with leg but it is getting there ever so slowly. I think once it is healed things will get better for me.
i am getting way to frustrated with it at this point to concentrate any effort on DBing.
Sounds to me like you're in the process of cleaning the wounds so they can continue to heal properly. Yes, the cleansing in itself can be painful process too, but it does hasten the healing. So please don't resign yourself to think the pain will continue to be felt from the same old injury.
Hope that made sense?
Quote: ... plus NG and I have been on some heavy R talks - initiated by him, I should say...
Will update next week...
I do gather this was painful, but I'm hoping you are willing to share ... so you can see where the cleansing is taking place. Then we can tend to how to apply the bandages, so the pain can be put behind you.
Hang in there Slowly. It may seem like the "treatment" is causing as much pain, but ever since you first started posting here, you have come across as having an inner strength that will allow you to persevere in giving every chance at allowing the wound to heal before looking to amputate.
Hi KAW - Yes, you are absolutely right, with detachment comes the ability to see things more clearly, and for me at least, the question now is whether the end is worth the fight.
NG's R talks last week were in response to my ambivalence about whether we stayed together. He tried to explain that the nature of contact with OW is just talks now, and mostly about how to end contact, to have someone to bounce ideas off why this affair happened.
That she has her claws into him, and he neds to release them one by one. That he wants to do this in a way that does not damage her. Of course, talking about her used to mean not discussing about his feelings, but this time I was not letting go, and we got some way in exposing his fears that if she is no longer around, he is vulnerable to all and any judgement from me. He is not yet comfortable acknowledging that the continued contact is for him to hide his guilt away...
So yes, it may be cleansing, but it is excruciatingly painful. I feel like having to think for both of us. NG is getting more attentive though. He is more present, though he did agree that the journey to healing that he and I need to be on cannot have any passengers.
We have also agreed that we will discuss this by email, or phone, during office hours, and that for the rest of the time we will be making new, happy memories. Works for me.
Slowly, slowly. I'm tired, but continue to draw strength and inspiration from you folks here. Thank you.
Just to continue in KAW's track here if you heal slowly it heals from the inside out rather than just a scab over the surface for something covered to fester later.
Too many puncture wounds treated with dogs and horses.
You sound pretty good overall.
Hope you are having a nice day.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Hi Pam - I know, this healing phase too requires a lot of patience. Slowly...
We are having better days. Mostly I think because NG's internal conflict seems to be far less. I honestly think his emotions are not engaged with OW anymore, it does not feel like that anymore. It just also feels like his emotions are not with me either, though he is a LOT more considerate ad present. Maybe it is time to re-set my expectations, again
He is definitely leaving for work later, and coming home earlier these days.
Sometimes I wonder what it is that I am unhappy about. This quote came in today
The present gives you the opportunity to dive deep into the water of life, or to fly high into the sky of life. But on both the sides there are dangers — ’past’ and ´future´ are the most dangerous words in human language.
My present is darned good. NG is here, more attentive, more loving. Great family and friends, interesting job, lovely home
I am glad to read your most recent posts, Slowly. Your perspective seems to be softening... and that is good. I think you have made great headway into NG's fears that letting OW go will make him fall prey to ...your wrath?....his guilt?....
Your understanding that the objective reality... the present... is really quite pleasant, is a wonderful revelation. I am glad you have arrived here. I think if you can get a handle on your anxieties during those times he lapses, it will be huge. You two seem close to the home stretch.
Hi everyone - Been finding it difficult to post lately - partly due to the confusion, and partly just plain busy.
We had an ok weekend, had another R talk. NG tells me he feels guilty about OW, that he has 'messed up' her life, hence the continued contact per her request is the least he can do for her.
Not sure what this means for me. He insists it is just phone calls and emails, and that the intensity is waning. That he is spending far more effort on our relationship.
I'm finding a lot of resentment surfacing within me. Not good. His sense of who he is being unfair to seems out of whack to me.
Slowly
Slowly