Hi KAW - Yes, you are absolutely right, with detachment comes the ability to see things more clearly, and for me at least, the question now is whether the end is worth the fight.
NG's R talks last week were in response to my ambivalence about whether we stayed together. He tried to explain that the nature of contact with OW is just talks now, and mostly about how to end contact, to have someone to bounce ideas off why this affair happened.
That she has her claws into him, and he neds to release them one by one. That he wants to do this in a way that does not damage her. Of course, talking about her used to mean not discussing about his feelings, but this time I was not letting go, and we got some way in exposing his fears that if she is no longer around, he is vulnerable to all and any judgement from me. He is not yet comfortable acknowledging that the continued contact is for him to hide his guilt away...
So yes, it may be cleansing, but it is excruciatingly painful. I feel like having to think for both of us. NG is getting more attentive though. He is more present, though he did agree that the journey to healing that he and I need to be on cannot have any passengers.
We have also agreed that we will discuss this by email, or phone, during office hours, and that for the rest of the time we will be making new, happy memories. Works for me.
Slowly, slowly. I'm tired, but continue to draw strength and inspiration from you folks here. Thank you.
Slowly
