This is the same issue that I'm dealing with with my W. During her trip up to visit she called the OM twice during one of the best dates we've ever had. She said it was to gloat over going to a sporting event, but when I found out it really hurt.
She read DB and after said she is not ready to throw in the towel. A lot of little steps.
The problem is that she will not end the EA with the OM. I guess I went outside the lines of DR/DB'ing and told her that although I can't stop her from continuing to have hime in her life, I can stop her from having me in her life. I told her that she is free to do whatever she wants, but I didn't think I could handle the choice to keep him in her life at any level.
I think the toughest part of this is when things start to go better and you see positive changes. All of the time that you've spent putting your emotions and needs on hold can really add up. Also, the focus so far has been on changing yourself, and doing whatever it takes to make things work out so you really feel like sprinting toward the light at the end of the tunnel after crawling for the past few months.
Hang in there, and remember to do what works. Just because things are progressing slowly, doesn't mean that they are stalled. Remember how far you've come, and all of the strength that you have that has gotten you this far. You should feel extremely proud of yourself for the commitment, dedication and discipline that has gotten you to this point.
