Looking back to redefine what has worked and what has not.... I do recall that we had, at one point, asked the question, what does he get from OW. This lead to many big discussions about being "helpless" and his need to rescue...
Perhaps that was correct if maybe just slightly off-point. Maybe her helplessness is expressed with more demonstrative affirmations of her feelings....
So where he would probably not buy....and you would not want to "Sell" you as helpless. You might want to find WOA and some expressions of your own vulnerability. You have been CONFRONTATIONAL about his contact but has your pride kept you from showing how you hurt?
