Positives + Over breakfast, NG was quizzing me about conversation I'd had previous evening with SIL - she was on a guilt trip about autistic nephew, and I was just validating. NG posed an interesting question - why am I good at validating everyone, except him? Why do I always challenge him? I see this as a positive because he is providing feedback in a positive manner. I like not having to guess what I have to work on... + he continues to draw little pictures on paintbrush and emailing them to me - got one of me in a bikini (something I've been planning to get for a while) - must have taken him ages to draw + he came home early, we worked for a bit, then cleaned the deck, swum a little and went shopping for a new kettle and some mugs. nice ho-hum evening
Negatives - still no response to my email. its like he is trying to avoid the issue altogather - how do i get him to understand that the questions warrant an answer - looking at his movement profile, communications with OW is still heated and frequent - ah well
Guys, your feedback really helps bring into clearer focus the dynamics here. Thanks.
Quite an interesting day with NG on Wednesday. He went to work for an hour in the morning and then a couple of hrs in the afternoon - I'm thru worrying about whether it is to call/see OW. Instead, I'm focusing on the fact that he is spending even more time with me.
Another big positive, my old school friend was in town, we had her family around for tea, and then hung out with them for dinner. Fun.
Today, I leave on a business trip - just one night away. NG is staying back as we have painters in the house, and on Friday early morning NG's BIL arrives from the US. Note to self, no point in speculating what NG and OW might be doing....
Looking back to redefine what has worked and what has not.... I do recall that we had, at one point, asked the question, what does he get from OW. This lead to many big discussions about being "helpless" and his need to rescue...
Perhaps that was correct if maybe just slightly off-point. Maybe her helplessness is expressed with more demonstrative affirmations of her feelings....
So where he would probably not buy....and you would not want to "Sell" you as helpless. You might want to find WOA and some expressions of your own vulnerability. You have been CONFRONTATIONAL about his contact but has your pride kept you from showing how you hurt?
Hi Maya - You have hit this on the head. For the past week, I've been testing the waters by expressing myself, and seems to be having better results that anything else I have done in the past. This is quite different from R talks, it is actually quite powerful as I get the opportunity to promote myself to center stage. In many ways, OW has been incredibly smart at how she has been managing the situation, kudos to her Wonder what NG will do with both of us turning on the same tap?
It has been a difficult Saturday, with the discovery that NG and OW had 3 hour phone conversation on Friday. This morning, I managed to collect myself, and had a calm conversation with him
Started by saying that I still loved him, and can see us having a good relationship despite the history of the past 9 months, but a future that included such intense contact with OW was not something I could cope with.
He asked me if I was issuing him with an ultimatum, and I skirted the point blank question by re-iterating that I now know what I can live with, and what would be too painful for me to cope with.
We are both travelling on business tomorrow, separately. Armed truce is the likely prognosis for the rest of today. I hate these confrontations, but guys, to be honest, I don't think I had much choice.
I am sorry to hear that there is still so much contact. I had hoped it would start winding down more as you moved into your new home and continued your reconnection.
Does he say what he sees as the two of you's future and see her exiting it anytime soon? You may have posted that and I don't remember. I don't think my memory is what it used to be prior to the stress and AD's.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Slowly 
Slowly 
