Hi Slowly,
I haven't read your current thread yet since being back from vacation, but want touch base and read your most recent post.
I'm sorry to hear of the poor choice in judgement NG decided to use. ... but I think Sage is right. Often in hopes of deflecting the heat off of them they use the adage the best defense is a good offense.
I think NG is thinking if he hasn't up to now, he ain't gonna lose Slowly over this. I wonder just how shaken he would be if you convince him you are in total agreement and then leave his presense to stew over it for a while? What if you explain to him that you can no longer accept she knows how to contact you where you reside and if that means having to live in your next home alone to have it that way ... so be it!?
It just might get the point across, and let him know if his response is just a bluff, it ain't gonna work. Just some thoughts to ponder.
SLOWLY! Just checked in today... I was fairly certain I had responded yesterday to this latest news but it looks to haveg otten lost in cyberspace. I think I do this quite frequently... I need to pay better attention to hitting the button after previewing.
AHHHH> WHat a predicament you are in. I wonder how you are soldiering on. And I question what advice to give. What could POSSIBLY be his motive for sending her those pictures? Is it rebellion? Or is he PROUD to be moving into this place with you?
I do understand your feelings and your reactions to this. I do understand your feelings of being disrespected when he violates the agreement you had. I DO hope that you can slow yourself down and honor your GREATEST desires and feelings. What do you want to happen? What do you hope for?
I worry that my questons may be irrelevant.... I hope that since your last post you and NG are sorting things out together.
WE send you our strength and our hopes that whatever happens you will feel honored, loved and heard.
Catching up with your sitch. Things sound a bit tough for you at the moment. Hang in there, slow. Maybe this is just anor bump in your journey to success?
Take care....
Sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see..
Hi Everyone - Thank you for the support and warm wishes, as well as the usual wonderful advise.
After my post on Friday, I escaped reality in the time honoured manner of burying myself in work. 2 emails from NG, one with an apology, for what I'm not sure, it did not specify, and another about the fact that I knew he and OW were still communicating, so what's the problem. And so we proceeded to move over the weekend with this tension hanging over us.
We were exceedingly busy on Saturday, which was a relief.
On Sunday, I suppose after a couple of days of brooding, the pain just got too much. I felt there really was no point in continuing in a relationship where lies are seen as justified, where the spoken intent is inconsistent with subsequent behaviour.
So we had a chat. I was basically indicating my intention to move on. NG thought I was making a mistake, that the A was over, that he just 'communicates' with her. Lots of alien speak, basically. Then he askes what he can do to change my mind.
Well, I was not going down that thorny path. I fell for that once before, only to have my suggestions thrown back at me as 'unreasonable demands'. So I just confirmed that there were definitely things he could do that would make me think differently, and left it at that.
Quite chilly in bed last night, and here I am at the crack of dawn planning another escape for the day. Both of us are hanging around the house, working on our laptops while we entertain the remainder of various construction workers who have yet to finish the work here.
I know I have not been dbing for very long, but there seems to be little evidence that he is capable of breaking free from OW's influence. So like many people here, I'm in the mode of it this worth the effort?
Hi KAW - Welcome back Your perspective is timely, and I'm glad it is along the lines of the note I wrote NG this morning, he is yet to respond, I concluded with an invitation to him
so what are we doing to each other? if you truly believe we have a chance for a happy life together, i am willing to continue along this journey. but we simply cannot do this on the basis of the past 4 weeks - the uncertainty for me is too much to bear. i'm open to listening with an open heart and open mind to anything you want to suggest.
Quote: I know I have not been dbing for very long, but there seems to be little evidence that he is capable of breaking free from OW's influence. So like many people here, I'm in the mode of it this worth the effort?
It does seem to be the mode of the BB doesn't it? I have been asking myself what it is I want out of this M. I've been soo busy getting H back that I've forgotten ME and what I want and WHY is my H STILL in contact with OW!
... but I think Sage is right. Often in hopes of deflecting the heat off of them they use the adage the best defense is a good offense.
Your perspective is timely, and I'm glad it is along the lines of the note I wrote NG this morning, he is yet to respond, I concluded with an invitation to him