Slowly, though it is not great to be crazymaking in DB terms, I think it's okay to forgive yourself a little crazy now and then.....it is your H who is staying in contact with OW though he knows it is hurtful and crazymaking and a re-traumatization on some level. I'm not saying go crazy on purpose, just be gentle with yourself.
Oy.
Was it Azure who said recently that DB'ing, while amazing, does put us in the one-down position? I think getting mystery and life is a way to counter that tendency.
You guys are the best I feel loved and supported. Been a whole set of new developments, but I'm caught in an extremely hectic day at work. Will post later.
Dealing with the OP still in the picture is extremely taxing. My best wishes are with you. I'm in similiar sitch right now and it only shows how strong you are to be holding your head up.
Hi everyone - The small hours are nice and quiet for meditation. Wednesday and Thursday have been pretty positive, NG has been very attentive, lots of ILYs, and intense intimacy
However, on Weds, I logged in to our kind-of joint netscape email account, and saw 4 emails from OW, one of them saying that she and her husband drove past our home. Some of you may recall that back at the end of Jan when her husband found hotel receipts of the times NG and OW were having it off in the afternoons, he and his buddies hot-footed (actually in their Lexus SUVs) it around to our place only to find we were abroad. So they vandalised our front door instead.
You can imagine my reaction to seeing her note about driving past our home - all the terror of being violated came rushing back. I slept on the issue, and thought through what she is doing now - which is pretending to her husband that everything is OK and that the affair is over, but secretly continuing contact with NG.
I had a chat with NG, and outlined as calmly as possible my fears that OW was setting her husband up for another episode of rage. He will eventually find out that she has been deceiving him, and that the stability he thought he had was just her faking it. He has already called me directly twice, been rather aggressive (yeah, like I can do anything about it ). NG agreed that I had grounds to be concerned. We left it that I am considering putting my lawyer on the case to establish her contributory role in inciting his violence, should anything happen later.
And guys, I am seriously thinking of taking the step of instructing my solicitor to serve her a legal document so we have it on record that she knowingly mismanaged a situation that from past record we know will lead to ugliness.
I'm really not prepared to risk my safety. And somehow, it may just be the wakeup call everyone needs, because till now, I have been amazingly accommodating.
That's my update. Otherwise, NG and I are doing well. Slowly
Hi yaz - I love your list of things that make you happy - this is such a great life-saver. And yes, it is pointless initiating discussions when we are less than well composed, though it seems that is when the urge is at its strongest
One of my boosters - and this is so irrational, and a VERY recent habit - is looking up my cainer cast - he seems to be so positive, and nurturing
Friday, 9th July 2004 - There is always something disturbing about change. Even change of the most positive nature will inevitably contain an element of discomfort. It brings the need to adjust and adapt. It demands a re-evaluation of old priorities. We should never argue against a new idea or a complain about an altered situation just because it feels odd to us. There must be another reason. Give what's happening now more time to unfold. You may well decide that you like everything about it... apart from how unusual it is. Have confidence in the notion that nothing happens by accident.. and that the world is a benign place.
Well, so much for the meditative contemplation today. Back to the shut eye - and a bright Friday! We get keys to the new place, and start the ball rolling on our housewarming Saturday night - some 50 friends coming round - scary
Hi everyone - Just a quick visit here before hitting the sack. Nothing much to report - but then there never really is much over the weekend NG and OW seem to be limiting their phone calls and emails to office hours only.......
Our housewarming party went well, and the builders are in this week to do some minor renovations. We move in properly next weekend. Lots to do.
I feel loved and supported. Been a whole set of new developments, but I'm caught in an extremely hectic day at work. Will post later. 
Slowly 