Hi BnB - It certainly has been an interesting weekend over here. NG came back on Friday night from his 5 day trip, and we had a wonderful re-union
On Saturday, he set up for us to play chess on our mobile phones, and I had my first ever game This is a great invitation from him, to be more connected via his ever present mobile phone, and to be engaged in a game, over distance, over time. Each move is transmitted vi SMS as a text message, so we can take our time. It has been so much FUN, and I just know it keeps him seriously occupied and entertained. Take that, OW (oooh, I cannot believe I have these immature feelings )
Saturday night we went to the leaving party of the outgoing tenants, and met a whole bunch of our new neighbours. Some lovely, and interesting folks. I think we are going to enjoy the new neighbourhood more
Sunday we pottered around for a bit, did some furniture shopping, and then drove up to where NG has meetings today and tomorrow. I know I was going to decline, but his face fell when he thought I would not be accompanying him, I did not have the heart to keep saying no. I have a problem
Either he is getting better at hiding his contacts with OW, or there have not been any in the past few days. We'll see. I've got lots of other things to be getting on with though.
Hi Pattie - It seems like every few weeks I need to take myself back to the begining. To be honest, there are so many great things going on in my life with NG, I really need to work on celebrating these, instead of taking them for granted.
Quote: what I'm getting out of this, is that the situation is still all about him. He is still getting some head patting from her.
Yup, because she makes him feel special, no guilt, no need for remorse, only the good stuff. With me, we need to work out 'issues' - ugh - all the negative stuff. And bills, and his mum, and, and, and
At some point, when it feels right, I will definitely broach the subject of self image with NG. For the time being, we are just so busy with moving house next week, and then seriously getting our flat sold. In the midst of all this, we are re-conecting, so I just need to hang in there.
My self-improvement tunnel still has cheese in it Slowly
On a continuing whim to seek comfort, my Cainercast for the day
July 5th Why worry? Either it's will happen or not. There's little you can do to influence the outcome. If there is an appropriate course of action to take, it certainly doesn't involve becoming anxious. You can try doing your best. You can, for that matter, try doing your worst. Or you can try doing as little as possible. All you need to know is that you are not on the threshold of failure. Financially and emotionally, times are intense and demanding. The current astrological climate though, tells us the worst you can lose is a little sleep. If you relax, you don't even have to sacrifice that!
Can I say - this has lifted me no end, never mind that the basis may be questionable - oh what fragile beings we are
Going back to basics for a while. Plan to figure out goals for the month, and post positives for each day. Maybe the negatives too, as I really need to focus on kicking MY bad habits
Goals I will be more positive and appreciative of the time NG and I have together, remember to articulate what has made me happy, to encourage more of the same I will shed my fear that NG will re-connect with OW if I am not around him, and plan for once or twice a week to meet my friends or just have ME time, outside of work NG and I will settle into our new home, and figure out new rituals We will do a better job of selling our flat I will develop my skills at chess and be a passable player
And then in August, if all goes well, I will learn to cycle so NG and I can share another love together
I haven't been reading your sitch regularly, but have in the last few days and I feel like we are on a parallel journey with our H's and ourselves!
I am looking for the positives, working on me, and not paying so much attention to the OW anymore, the negatives, the things I have no control over. In doing this I feel a new lightness.
Your goal number one and number two are new goals of mine.
I just want to encourage you to really take your "me time." I think that this is good, not to just look "more mysterious to h" as you have analyzed, but to feel better about yourself FOR yourself. I know for me, having some time away with my friends doing other hobbies, or just going to the library/bookstore one night by myself, I feel somewhat refreshed. It helps me to feel more dependent on myself rather than H. It helps me to see-yes, I do have a life that doesn't revolve around him...
Your goals look great. Letting yourself seek time with friends is essential. I know that I spent way too much time at home with my h in order to "control" though I couldn't ..his searches for other adventures. It is crazymaking really.
In the earlier discussion about what ow provides, you had spoken of the feeling he has in rescuing her. Perhaps you may want to revisit this theme and find ways to validate his competence and expertise where you find them. Not in a phoney way...but there is a man there that has some qualities you valued and respected. Just knowing you makes me think that NG must be special or you would not have chosen him. So, dig if need be...but find that guy again and let him know what you love about him.
In teaching, when dealing with underachievers, we were trained to ignore the negative behaviors and speak to the child you would have him/her become. So see him with fresh eyes.
Your new house seems like such a tremendous opportunity! NG and you seem to be connecting on so many great levels. How can the two of you "ritualize" the move in? Is that something you can see doing together?
Take paper write down old negative habits that YOU have....he does same for himself....and burn them b4 leaving old place... then write out how you want to connect with each other in the new place.
Or something more fun if you can think of it. I just really see the move as a big positive. Few of us get to create a new space that does not have all the energy and reminders from the past.
Hi everyone - Happy to be back to normal this Wednesday morning. Monday and Tuesday were hectic days, with NG around most of the time, so somewhat difficult to post
Positives
+ we spent A LOT of time together, just being together over meals, free time, and some of our work time too. I did a far better job not speculating if he was missing his contact time with OW - yeah me.
+ we had a good conversation, NG asking me why I thought we were still together; it was the perfect opportunity to validate the honesty he has been putting in place since October. He liked it, and said that he would like to know more about how I feel about things. Well now, this is such a departure from dbing and no R talks, right? I'll have to figure out what is appropriate to share with NG
+ we had dinner with his colleagues last night, and it struck me that I still learn about his work plans when he is talking with other folks. Sooo, must make sure there are more outings with his people so that I can build more connections
Not so good
On Monday afternoon, NG tells me he has to extend his stay through Wednesday, knowing full well that I have an important meeting back at home base. My first thought was that OW was going to join him on Wednesday, and unfortunately started asking thinly veiled questions. This led to some harsh words between us, though we recovered within an hour.
Hi Cathy - It is always nice to find kindred spirits - even in these less than pleasant circumstances....
I love my Cainercast for the day - except it applies to me everyday - the over-thinking part
Wednesday, 7th July 2004 - If we deliberate on the double-meaning of the world deliberate, we can soon see it is no accident. Think about it: de-liberate. To take away a freedom. What could it be trying to tell us? Can it really be the case that the more we think things through, the more we restrict ourselves? It can certainly seem that way at times. On the surface at least, thoughtless people lead enviable lives. They do whatever they feel like doing. They don't worry about consequences, nor suffer the mental stress of striving to be responsible. You are now trying to be wise. It isn't easy, but it is worth it. Soon, you'll see.
This is a great invitation from him, to be more connected via his ever present mobile phone, and to be engaged in a game, over distance, over time. Each move is transmitted vi SMS as a text message, so we can take our time. It has been so much FUN, and I just know it keeps him seriously occupied and entertained. Take that, OW (oooh, I cannot believe I have these immature feelings 
)
Slowly 
