Yeah. I guess I backed off enough, differentiated enough, let her make her own mistakes enough or let her talk enough that for the first time in about 2 months....

Doing 180s. I looked up what Paul said about marriage. (1Cor-7) Amongst other things he said that if you're married to a believer you both play by the same rules and so shouldn't split. Don't divorce a non-believer but let him/her walk if s/he wants to. So I took some pressure off. It's not the end of the world if she walks. I'll uphold my end of the deal (or more) but I won't be desperate for her to stay.

It seems to have helped... a lot.

It's funny. Sex doesn't seem that important now (but ask me in a week ) Nor does it feel like my life depends on my M working. It is now perhaps only my second most important relationship.

Whoa! This is just starting to have a slight smell of success... but don't tell anyone yet. It still has a way to go.