Thanks for joining in. I learned quite a lot from your post. A few highlights:
_________________________ You wrote: "And if something I'm doing is "just right" I damned sure want to know... dead silence is unnerving to me. If I'm trying to give pleasure, and I'm succeeding, I want to know. If I'm not, then I want some help doing better."
Qualified by: "I was SO not ready to say in words what I wanted it wasn't even funny. It took a while to get me even partially there, able to communicate what I needed or wanted." _______________
That helps a lot! I totally identify with the part about wanting to know if I'm doing good, not because I'm fused or looking for validation, but because I'm really trying to give my W pleasure. If there's something I could do better, I want to know so I can do it!
But, frankly, I thought that was just a HD trait. It helps me to see that even a HDW had to "learn" to verbalize. My W thanks you for letting me know that.
Time spent ML has become somewhat of a resentment for me. My W is the ultimate romantic. I've tried things like candles, music, oils, massages, feather dusters, bubble baths, colored light bulbs, cards, notes, and heating scented oils. I'm OK with this, but not every @!#*&! time! I've been guilty of doing the Mr. HP stroke, stroke, stroke, strooooooooke, jerk back awake, stroke, stroke, stroke thing with a feather duster in my hand.
We need to come to some kind of agreement about frequency for fun sex, quickie sex and romantic sex (along with any other types of sex I can talk her into ). But you've helped me understand the need to cut her some slack on loosening up.
). But you've helped me understand the need to cut her some slack on loosening up.
