Hi Mike, I have posted before how I was the LDW for the majority of my 17 yr marriage; it was not even 2 yrs ago that I became a sexual being again. I won't go into the details that lead to my transformation right now, but essentially it came about by my conscious decision to let go of negative feelings and work towards being a happier person.
From my unique LD/HD postion, I did want to share one insight: it's not the difference in sex drives that is causing the problems in the relationship, it's really the other way around. Working through differences, whether it's about sex or some other issue, can lead to greater intimacy when there is proper love and respect. Look at NOPkins...he has had a lot of hot sex in his life( lots of high desire there) but only makes love with his wife. And Corri, who fought her way back from LD hell, only to discover something missing in the marriage.
We all want to experience unconditional love...we want our needs to be listened to, repected, cared about, not judged and not belittled. However, the only way to receive this love is to in fact insist on it! This comes by feeling good enough about yourself to have the strength to stand up for whatever it is you feel you need. You may not get everything you want, but you will know when you are feeling loved and your needs are being considered, and that will feel fulfilling. Some of you are starting to have more and more moments like this...take note of what has been working and hold on dearly as the tendency to revert back to old ways is very strong.
One way I have kept my desire going is by using my mind and fantasy life. Last nite H approached me in bed and said to me " I want to see you come." Now, this isn't how the fantasy goes, but I appreciated that he was able to reach out and understand my higher drive and make this kind of statement. There was no anger or resentment and no blame on me for having the higher drive. For me, this is love. We experienced an erotic and intimate moment, not in the conventional sense, but in a way that worked for us. Later, in the middle of the night, he did initiate sex spontaneously...seems when I pull back a bit on the ML issue he is able to come forward. I am learning that what we are sharing now is better than the "perfect" image I had in my head...it's about the two of us working things through, quirks and all, with love and acceptance.
No one on this board needs my validation of how special and unique you each are, but I am giving it anyway! I have ( and continue to) enjoy reading about your lives and each day I grow wiser and more inspired. You all have my gratitude and best wishes for happiness, as I work on my own. Maybe one day I will be able to better share my fantasies with H! J
