What I gather from your post is that significant strides will only be made whne the LD spouse actually identifies the problem and actually does something about it. The man in the picture can only provie minimal help. You had to build your own self esteem and body image. I know my wife has HUGE body image problems. But you fixed your problems by making a major effort, many LD women don't have the drive to fix the problem. Unfortunately my wife really has no desire, she has told me before that if she never had sex again, that would be ok. She does not masturbate and we rarely make love, so I guess she is probably right, that there is very little desire.
In my own situation, I am the one that wants TONS of affection and sex. I also like to take my time at sex, on some occasions, sex should take hours, and be multiorgasmic. My wife is the one watching the clock, we have to get me done so she can get back to her all important sleep (funny how LD women are always tired).
The just do it approach, this borders on Mercy sex. Sex with someone that is not into it is NOT worthwhile. It actually violates my integrity.
I guess the biggest problem about the whole situation is the "Desire" problem. I can not understand how anyone could actually love their spouse and yet not desire them. THis is impossible for me. I have no idea what a LD spouse is thinking, why would they want such a meaningless relationship like that of brother and sister. Honestly, if you don't want passion, why even be married? It makes so little sense to me. So even if I was making love to her 100 times a year, if I have to initiate every single time, if she never shows real desire for me, then it is all mercy sex, and I will still have to divorce her. I guess what I am really trying to say is that I want the true passionate marriage, and unfortuantely, I think I married one of those women that has no realistic hope of ever getting there.
