Men/women who make difinitive statements that include "never" in them just frustrate/aggravate the hell out of me! Those people have already made up their minds that they aren't going to do something...they aren't even willing to try...not really try...they make a feeble effort and call that trying.
You on the other hand are doing everything within your powers that you can...the one thing you can't do is make her decide to try or change...and that's such a helpless feeling. I've known for quite some time that my LDH has some issues from his past R...for some time I tried so hard to be patient while he was working things out for himself (so I thought). The reality for us though was that he was avoiding working anything out...because working it out would be painful and difficult for him. Perhaps your LDW is afraid of facing some of her demons too. Those demons (whatever they may be) would definitely stand in the way of her enjoying a great sex life with you. What type of a self-image do you believe your W has of herself? Does she have body issues...never think she's smart enough? Just curious...it may help me help you understand where she's at in her head.
