Mike, I went from LD to HD, as well. Well, I was probably initially pretty HD, but I had an unhappy 1st marriage and sex was a big problem (he was MUCH higher drive than I, plus there were a gazillion other things wrong). However, just in the last ten years, within the context of a wonderful 2nd marriage, I've gone from lower to higher. There's been a lot involved. As I posted on another thread, I started with learning to accept compliments. It took two years to begin to believe that someone could find me sexy. Then, a HD girlfriend started sort of teasing me about my asexual style. I learned about feeling sexy and for me, it had to do with learning about makeup, lingerie, style, and more style. I learned that I needed to feel sexy every day, for myself, even if it was just wearing lingerie no one could see. I needed to feel sexy, even if at work I am a pretty cool professional. I wanted to feel sexy because...the sex was and is really good in this R.
The sex in the previous R sucked. I can give specifics, if you're interested.
I started this new R with my eyes open, sexually speaking, and although I can't say I made specific demands, I wanted to know immediately what his needs and desires were, and I wanted him to know mine. My H is a bit LD, and we've learned that his drive drops lower under certain stressful circumstances. Nothing seems to effect my libido, all that much. Ha.
And in response to Green's original post, nothing is worse than feeling undesired/undesirable. I'm learning that when my H's desire is low, it has little or nothing to do with me. He says that, and I'm beginning to believe him.
More frequent sex, good sex, leads to stronger desire. Period. Especially for women. The neurotransmitters and physiology of sex are such that the longer you go, the harder it is to arouse yourself. I know that's not helpful to many of you...
