I'm trying to reach any LDW out there who may have a hard time understanding where their spouse is coming from.
Why does he push me so much for sex? Why is it so important to him? Why can't he just leave me alone!? Doesn't he know "normal" people don't have sex that often?
Well....The first thing I'd tell a LDW is this...There is no "normal" frequency for sex (I don't care what you read online or in a book). Some people desire it more often, some don't...some don't desire it at all. That's where compromise comes in. Partners work together through communication to find a happy medium...or at least a frequency that both can live with. Along with that however is an absolute need for communication that goes both ways.
Believe it or not I have a LDH, yes you read correctly a man who doesn't want sex very often if at all. I know some women think I'm sooo lucky...how did I luck out? I didn't. The fact that my H and I ML so infrequently is a great source of distress to me...it affects my ego, self-esteem, and mood on a day-to-day basis. I miss the emotional connection that comes with ML/physical affection...and believe it or not men miss it too.
If you are a LDW that has a HDH try (and I mean really try...not make a feeble attempt with a bad attitude) to see things from your H's perspective. It is so hurtful when someone makes you out to be a nyphomaniac, crazy, or demanding and then just pushes you away or ignores you. Instead I implore you to try to think of something that is so important to you (something you feel you cannot live without), then imagine not having it (you can see it, you can smell it, and almost touch it...but you can't have it)...then add to it the fact that your partner has the ability to give you what it is you're missing but for some unknown reason can't or won't. I know it sounds all too simple, but it's true...at least from this Green Eyed perspective...
One other thing I'd like to add...ignoring the situation, pretending it doesn't exist, or flat-out denying it doesn't help the situation. If you're partner has brought up a problem, then a problem obviously exists.
If you are in your marriage for the long-haul then wake up and smell the roses! You're partner is really suffering. Being rejected sexually is very painful for both men and women alike. Please realize there are going to be times when compromise is necessary...I think we all know that :-) Sometimes that means doing things when maybe your really not in the mood. Have you ever found that sometimes when you're really not in the mood to do something, you have a fun time anyway?
Sometimes that old addage (thanks to Nike) of "Just Do It!" really does work too! I used to be a LD person, until I started learning to enjoy sex...not just go through the motions. If you're one of those women (and I know, I used to be like this myself) who is so uncomfortable with her body that she just cannot overcome that uncomfortable feeling of being naked and intimate...work on that. It's very important that you get comfortable with yourself, if you've gained weight (I know I have) it's fine to be self concious about it...but know that your husband is probably fine with that and loves you anyway...especially if he has told you so. I know I think more about my weight than my H does...he loves me the way that I am. It took me some time to get comfy with that idea...but now I really like it.
Anyone out there have anything to add before I write a novelette myself?
