Nik,
I noticed that anytime I acted like, OK that is it, H would come running back, afraid he made a big mistake if he loses me. It is so hard to get there without really being "done". I remember walking out of a really bad counseling session where H said he wasnt feeling better and hadnt talked to OW in 3 weeks and wasnt feeling better and acted like a jerk, he called me immediately saying I was beautiful and all this stuff. I am still angry at how he acted and this was 2 yrs ago. H claims he doesnt want to see that counselor again because of how he acted. I still remember the MC saying "wives need to be cherished" and H with that stone face . So I can relate to that.

Retrovaille was pretty good- very gruelling emotionally. We were pretty far down the path and coming back to reconcile when we went a few months ago. So in that respect we were a little better off. If we had gone earlier it would likely have been a waste of time. We have gone to 2 follow up sessions- they are decent. We missed 2 because of vacation. I feel bad about that. But we have great vacations this year for a change . I think the dialogue stuff helps me a little but I cry almost everytime . Just alot of pent up stuff I guess.

Will I ever stop thinking about the PA? the deceit>? the hurt!!!! I have to get there and there must be a way. I think maybe the dialogue- ing will lessen the weight of all that.

We went to lake, H hurt his back, acting weird but really in lots of pain. He was almost in a panic. ME: I wondered if he was calling the XOW, kind of crazy since cell doesnt work there and the phones dont call long distance- so impossible really. It justs shows any time H is acting different I go into suspicious mode. I pulled it together and took care of him and iced his back down. Over all a great time- it is so nice to go on a family trip and actually have fun. It is funny how you dont appreciate it until you have been through the opposite!!!

Shay