We are getting ready to go to the lake for a 5 day weekend. I have some really bad feelings about everything that has happened and they have recently surfaced. I cant figure out if they were caused by something- the only think I can think is that I "expect" H to call the OW since he has spoken to her every few months all of last year and recently in March. I am waiting for the ball to drop and keep thinking he is lying when I ask him. I have no reason other than that. No suspicious behavior. I am not happy that H now has a blackberry through work that everyone got that is at a certain level. It has a phone on it, which H just learned to use on Tuesday and he called me today on it. That means he now has a phone in his car again and I am afraid that will lead to the phone calls again. He also hasnt moved his cell phone over to the family bill and I still have that. Why wont he move it? Since April he was going to get his wedding ring resized and that hasnt happened. Too busy, took it one place and hated the lady there and afraid to leave it. Then says he will do it this week when I asked saying he was just thinking about it. He says it is a good outward sign to wear it and it makes me happy too. So, I dont know if I am being negative or what to do to fix it - or do nothing. Should I move the bill myself? I know he doesnt use it. I have it. Also, he had a phone card from before that I had to take. He admitted to using it before supposedly a while ago. I guess if we were better at communication he wouldnt need this outlet. I think we are getting better at that. Also, in one of our writing sessions he said he found it hard to talk to me about other women. It made him feel diminished like he was a bad person. He struggles with what is acceptable like noticing a woman and what is unacceptable- like ogling a woman. He is trying to figure out what is ok, says he "wants to tell me about women he sees but feels uncomfortable and why does he feel the need to tell me anyway?"
So, I am finishing up here at work: goals:
dont bring out bad feelings by talking or nagging on vacation
OK this is a big enough goal to just about cover it!!
