KMFLA, I'm so sorry for the difficulties. I'm not nearly as far along as you in this, but am facing similar issues. They erupted in particular last Friday night--you can check it out on my thread:
I am finding that self-respect and self-preservation are important, while also generating as much understanding as I can for how lousy H feels right now. Like you, I am struggling with his feeling about how real and precious his R with OW has been. Ugh for me, but real for him.
