Been meaning to post but have had to lurk this week, congrats on your H moving home. Enjoy it, go with the flow and try not to second guess everything...
How do I know this? Because I have to remind myself of it every day too. Remember my H has been home one month (yesterday) and everyday brings a moment (or ten) of questions. Some I ask, some I don't.
You got lucky asking him if he really wants to be home - I wouldn't advise that one again. But, I would keep the lines of communication open however awkward it might be.
And remember to "live AS IF" not "act AS IF". Acting is to easy to stop doing. But living becomes a habit.
As for your positives, they are great. We too have been daily but I strained my low back (not BTW! LOL!) so we've had to ease up a bit this week. I am not minding the slower pace, but it sure has been fun seeing when and where we can find time without kids. is not always about bedtime and closed doors you know!
Enjoy, have fun, journal here for the benefit of others. I am trying to do that in my thread too. It would be easy to quit posting when they come home but I truly think the hard work has just begun.
You are doing great work! Be his friend and supporter. He is looking for another position correct? Support him. It must be awful having to face her every day. If you greet him with a smile and a hug, then he will look to you as his rock and safe place and her as a pain in the A$$. The feelings will fade quickly in that mode, don't you think?
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Thanks Totite for your encouraging words. I am doing good today and like you say, I am the one that needs to smile and be positive as that hopefully will put me in a better light. Tomorrow is Friday and Fridays my H's office all go to lunch together. I am hoping he passes but I dont think he will. I am so tempted to ask him if he plans to go but I know thats not a good thing to do. So I am going to take my kids to lunch and enjoy it with them.
thanks again for your words of wisdom and you keep up the good work. I am looking forward to when I can say H has been home a month.
Didnt post over the holiday weekend. Things were up and down. Lots of silence between us. Not neccessarily bad but obviously not talking too much. I finally spoke up and told H I thought we were somewhat ignoring things. We have scheduled taking 2 weeks off of work for vacation but H hasnt said too much. I read that as hes not too excited about it so doesnt want to plan it. I gave him chance to back out but said thats not what he wanted. Then next day he did speak about the plans and asked about if I was expecting to be back in town for August 7th. That is the day of his company picnic and of course this year is different because of OW. I was planning for H not to go because we would be out of town. He tells me he wants to go and I get upset and tell him he cant go without me... tell her not to go. He gets upset and says SHE works for the company you dont. I walk out of room really upset. Does he really think I would be ok with him going to a "family" company picnic with our kids and without me and socialize with her and her kids. How could he even think about it. Later I go back to him as he was sitting outside and start to speak... he says you dont have to say anything or apologize etc. I say I am not apologizing for anything and just want to ask you.. "how much do you think I can take" I think that finally got through to him. The next day I give him the chance to leave as I just dont think I can do this anymore. He isnt the least bit reassuring, hes always down in the dumps etc etc. He says hes not leaving he wants to work it out and he needs to get better to reassure me and be more positive about things working out. I know in the back of his mind though he thinks he will end up going to the picnic and I will be ok with it. I want so bad to be ok with it but I know on that day if he walks out the door to go to the picnic I will be a mess and I shouldnt have to do that.
Please someone tell me I am not being unreasonable and he should give it up this year or ask her not to go.
You know what? I would love for my H to have a company function that I could go to with him and our kids. My H's EA was with someone he met through work people and I would love to go and show them that we are married and together - forever!
Would you consider going to it? Even if you get uncomfortable, you and the kids can do plenty to keep busy and still have fun. You are showing a united front to the very folks that need to see it.
Don't let the OW win by scaring you away. You H wants to go socialize with the people he works with - and it is a family event. GO! Have fun! Buy something flirty to wear (it is a family event so you don't want toooooo sexy!) and go for it! It could be a great PMA boost for the both of you.
Your tone sets the tone for how this one works out. Take the high road and see this as a golden opportunity. I know I would!
And regarding not always talking - I think there is a time and place for it all. You can't talk R all the time or you will burn out on the topic. You can however, converse about daily life and your family and whatever else so the two of you reconnect on that front.
I find that we talk more about the little things but there are times when we don't talk too. I need to be okay with that - without always asking - is something wrong? That must get old on their part huh?
Anyway, hang in there. Remember what you did that brought him home and keep doing it. "Live AS IF" don't "Act AS IF" and it will become easier every day!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I would love to go but H wont let me. He says it will be too uncomfortable for everyone. So I am so how going to have to take the high road and be ok with him going. Just dont know how I am going to do it. Today I just feel like throwing in the towel on it all
Yes, I picked it up and then just a week later I discover H is over OW house for lunch. He begged and pleaded that he was there because she was having a difficult time and he felt compasion yada yada ya.... He begged for another chance and I say ok We leave on July 23 for a two week vacation that was planned at last minute when H came home. We had a wonderful time, spent lots and lots of time together etc etc. Came home this past Friday late. Saturday night H goes out to friends house and come to find out he calls OW. I cant beleive after two weeks being gone he felt the need to call her 24 hours after coming home. Remember he will see her Monday am when he goes to work. I cant physcially or emotionally handle this any longer. He has professed his love for me and promised no more contact outside of office and he obviously cant keep that promised. I confronted him this am and asked him to move back out. He still has apt in tact as we didnt make any change in case this didnt work out Kids are going to be devestated but I am tired of getting hurt and most of all now feel like a huge fool
(((((((((KMFLA))))))))) Do not feel like a fool..you are doing the best that you can. I have read a lot of books on the man giving up the ow. It will take a long time for him to get over it. There will be withdrawal....as all of us have felt when our WAWs left. It will be painful for him, but if he is strong enough to really try to let go of the ow, he can do it. It has to be very painful for you to know he has been at the ows house after he said he was giving her up. This is where you will need a mountain of patience. I don't blame you for asking him to leave, and I'm certainly not in any position to give advice but I feel that you are a very strong woman and that you still love him very much. Take care. Are you really ready to give up?
Thanks for the post. I will probably be hanging out here for a while. Yes I am ready to give up Let him go to OW and really find out what it is like to miss me. The fact he works with her makes it harder. It is going to take a long time for him to get over her if he sees her every day. I no longer want to wait. Let him have her and I believe it will not last that long. Perhaps if he gets over her on his own without the threat of losing me things would be different. I just hate the thought of having to tell the kids. H moved home July 1st and we had a nice vacation. I now realize it is possible to have strong feelings perhaps love for two people at the same time. I just cant be one of those "people".
daily but I strained my low back (not 