Betsy I'm just back from my vaction and thosght I would check on you. I really admire you and I know ou have worked so hard on yourself and your family. It must have taken a lot of soul searching to reach your decision, a decisiion fo you. It would have been so easy to go again for the sake of the family but you truly have found peace and I am so happy for you. I just hope that one day too I can reach that place where my soul is not constatntly tortured.
God bless
Always questioning???
Not always sad!!!
Joanne
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning. Albert Einstein
Lights--I promise to put all of this in a letter to send to you via snail mail very soon! I'm still going over all this stuff.
I think I might have confused a lot of people with how I came to my decision and how I ultimately came to perceive Mr. Wonderful's response to that notice that I was ready to make our separation permanent (i.e., divorce).
He provided 2 comments: that he missed me (hell, I missed me too! ) and asking if we could talk about this.
As the days passed by and he called to schedule our parenting weekends, I realized that my discussion mirrors what he really wants. I think he has reservations about the consequences, but that the benefit outweighs them.
So while we have not been able to sit down and start hashing this out before contacting our mediator (and we WILL have a mediated D), I think this decision reflects what is in both of our hearts. I hope this explains this a little more fully.
There is something I've never posted before, mostly because I didn't want to read into the statement (I do follow my own advice in not believing what is said 100% of the time). But in this particular statement, I think it is telling and something I cannot ignore.
When asked how he felt about the consequences of D, Mr. Wonderful gave me this reply more than three times: "What I really worry about is how I feel about the thought of another guy seeing my daughters more than me."
Not, "I wonder how I'd feel if you were to find another man." Or "I think I would really regret losing you".
I told my weight loss counselors something I think I should share here. Before we got married, I had reservations about Mr. Wonderful's inability or reluctance or unwillingness to put his emotions out on the table.
I asked him if we could call off the engagement and be friends. His reply? No. I can't be friends with you without being your lover. I figured God would help me find a way to make that okay. I figure now that God is releasing me of a burden that has caused me pain for a really long time.
I told my lady counselors that I finally realize it is too much to ask Mr. Wonderful to be something he is not, and to understand that this is okay with me. And it really is.
Karen--We will meet, sweetie. God willing, on my next trip back to DC, which may be Thanksgiving. I think you are an awfully special lady with a whole lot to offer. Maybe one day we'll be able to leave this pain behind and chart out better territory... with a beer, perhaps?
I really don't want to hash out the terms of my D online... it's probably no good for me to journal this nor is it a good influence for the newer posters. I will commit to posting to others, though...
I do know he's learning. I think it's going to take him a long time to sort this stuff out... I can still be a friend to him without needing to see some progress from him for my own sanity's sake. I still love him, and probably always will. But I love me enough to draw a line in the sand.
It's time to graduate from the University of Hard Knocks. I think it's safe to say that many of us have earned our degrees Summa Cum Laude and not Somewhat Cum Lousy!
Who's coming out to the bar with me after this graduation?
Betsey
p.s. I lost another 2 lbs, bringing me down 3 lbs under my goal weight... I'm trying to maintain but my body is doing something different! This brings me down to 41 lbs total and definitely lower than my pre-D10 pregnancy weight. GO ME
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Quote: This brings me down to 41 lbs total and definitely lower than my pre-D10 pregnancy weight. GO ME
YES, GO YOU!!!!! That's awesome. I lost 30 lbs when this all began and have been able to keep it off for 2 yrs now. I can understand your elation.
And yes, perhaps over a beer, maybe at Berto's place ??? when you come back to visit in D.C. That would be wonderful!
Those types of comments from these WAS really make me wonder where their brains are or aren't! My WAS emminates the same type of responses w/out stating it. UGH! I'm ready for a graduation too!!! Take care. Tootles.........
Quote: Who's coming out to the bar with me after this graduation?
I'll be there, girlfriend.
Funny, when you FINALLY decide what road to travel, you start seeing indications that you should have been there for a long time. Is it rationalization or just comfort in finally being on the right road? Who knows... but let's just settle back and do our best to make this a great journey to the next stop in our lives, knowing full well that the next part of our travels WILL be better than this part has been.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I'll be right there to.We will have to drink a toast to the future and to a life without all this pain.(hopefully)
I know you have thought long and hard about this and your doing what is right for you and your girls.
Deciding to end a marriage no matter how long it has been unsatifying is no easy matter.I'm so very proud that you did all the hard work to get here and didn't take the easy way out by running.No matter how tempting it can be at times.
You know what is in your heart.And your a good mother so you do what you need for you and your girls.
Later Friend. Love, Briget
The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck
Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
YOU WROTE: I really don't want to hash out the terms of my D online... it's probably no good for me to journal this nor is it a good influence for the newer posters. I will commit to posting to others, though...
You, Betsey, are such a classy lady.
As far as meeting for the graduation drink, let me know what time y'all will be raising a glass...and I will have the west coast contingent together, poised with drinks in hand!
Hiya, Betsey! I saw that the thread was about to be locked out, and since I have yet to make an appearance on this thread, I decided to butt in!
Actually, I am in the process of jotting out yet another rambling e-mail, so I'll spare you the repetition. But, being a girl that can't resist a drink, well, I thought I'd remind ya to include me in your toast!
I hate endings! I laughed, I cried, I loved our threads... (o.k., not always, but I certainly learned a lot!)
) and asking if we could talk about this.
Betsey 
