I am feeling so many conflicting things about your understanding and decision in your situation. I value and respect your integrity and also respect the time and your patience in coming to this decision.
So many of us look to you and feel that we learn so much from your insights. Here, for me, is where the conflict lies. I see so many parallels. I see so many similarities.... I know that we come to these choices in our own time.
I have to admit that I am ..... trepidatious..... when viewing this outcome because, not being emotionally ready to make the decision you are making... I am only projecting myself into your situation and feeling the loss that I would feel. I can see that you have gone way further along than I and are prepared in so many ways that I cannot yet imagine...
I still, (I hope you understand) pray for an awakening to love and passion and desire, in my situation with my h. I am just not sure how that dream manifests or even if it can.
For now though, you are still the absolute model of grace and clarity and i admire you.
I have been thinking about you and your sitch a great deal. I too experienced some of the same conflicted feelings stated by Maya; all the more so because of the similarities you seem to share with my W.
Ultimately, however, I just want to express my profound happiness for the peace you have obtained.
PIB, Maya, Little Bill, Nita, HOn, Pen and everyone else...
Thanks for checking in!
Try not to become confused by my reality and assigning a cookie cutter approach to yours. That way, you know your path is absolutely your own and it isn't borrowing trouble from mine.
Maya, your H spends a lot of time doing things with you one on one. Mr. W. didn't do that. I made offers to do things, he turned them down and I got back up and tried again. He did, however, take me up on activities that involved our girls.
Little Bill, your W has one big advantage that I did not... despite our many similarities. YOU are willing to change and commit to healing. So please use this knowledge to your advantage, okay? There is nothing more attractive to a woman (well, this woman) than a man who fights for her.
I've actually used this past week to concentrate on grieving... boy, this has been harder than I thought. But I think I've been able to accomplish a lot AND gain clarity here. Sometimes it makes me sad when Mr. Wonderful calls to chat. But I am getting more comfortable with the notion of being friends by the hour.
Thankfully (and I thank God for this fact often), he is not a jerk. I don't think he could be one for long, even if he tried.
Yesterday, he phoned me at work just as he was leaving for a 3 day fishing trip by himself. He said he was feeling something and asked for a huge favor. I'll admit, I was reluctant to hear this!
He began our chat by telling me how proud he is of me... for taking in 2 little girls who really need me right now so their mother could heal. Well, the single mom had another unfortunate event happen this week. She contracted a horrid infection and was readmitted into the hospital.... where someone broadsided her van and did so much damage she can't send the kids back to daycare or summer camp.
Mr. W. cleared his throat and asked me if I minded if he gave her some money without strings. He said that if I could open my heart and home for these 2 kids, he could help her out financially. And folks, that brought tears to my eyes. The favor was for me to ask her if she would accept his help.
She cried when I did. And I told her with a big grin, "If you don't accept his offer, I will. And I'll spend it on you instead, so you would be wise to accept a gift from a man who is in a position to give you this assistance." She looked back up at me, seeming much younger than her 29 years, and said, "I will."
She commented to me that she feels bad accepting hand outs. I smiled at her and said, "I'll make a deal with you, K. Something that will make you feel better about this. One day, you are going to be in a position to offer assistance to someone else who needs it. Pay us back by being there for them. It's a philosophy that Mr. Wonderful and I both live by."
My girls are lucky to have a good man as a father. And I'm lucky to have him for a friend. We just need to keep that R and let each other heal enough to find the love we both need from other people.
I'm still working on the timing of filing and distributing assets. We have a few medical procedures looming for D7 as well as our foundation golf tournament. And I DON'T want any of this to happen on our anniversary, which is also in September... I don't want any memory of being insensitive and cruel going forward.
Thank you again for all your positive comments and accolades. They mean the world to me!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
What does MW want out of this world? I know you've pondered this to very depths of your soul until you started tearing away pieces of your own soul and had to stop. I really feel for him because he seems so afraid of truly living. I pray that God taps him on the shoulder during his fishing trip -- or better yet, that he recognizes that he is being tapped for some time), because I don't think God is going to hit him with a 2 x 4.
It does seem a blessing that you have laid the groundwork for a good friendship and that he is such a decent, caring man. ( I would only expect that...after all, YOU married him.)
The grieving process... I can only imagine what that must be like for you. All thata I can say is that you have been strong enough to go through all of this the past 18 months.... I know you will go through whatever you must in order to move on and find tremendous love, support, passion and happiness in your life.
I just want to be around to hear about your dating days when they happen. I can only imagine what starting a relationship with the right person will be like ...with all the great db skills! Can you imagine what all this growth will bring to your next relationship?
But it is premature to speak of that right now... hugs to the girls.
Hello Betsey......I hope that one day our paths will cross and I can come face to face w/a woman that wrote her own story. Everything that the rest of the group here has said about you is such a true statement, I concur.
You know how we always have talked about things happening for a reason? I think you may have mentioned it back on your older posts, but maybe your "task" was to learn all of this and share it w/all of us. You have been inspirational and you totally have a way w/words that we can all relate to. Your endurance and strength that you have gained is a gift that God has either nurtured or given to you in this trial.
I am still wondering what my message is here but I feel like I know some of it just haven't been the best at using it. Nonetheless, the lessons learned have been helpful and a blessing during this time.
I hope that your strength continues to carry you through these times and that in the end, your message will become clear to Mr. W. (Even though it may not be a reconciliation, he is learning during this time too). I wish you the best and agree that when you turn to dating, it will be something for the next man that comes along..........YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!! Tootles.........
Betsey 