First, my prayers for D7. I also want to thank you for giving me a contined glimpse into my W's soul. If my W were keeping a journal before her decision to break it off--it would read just like this.
Quote: I think we can be really good friends. Our many chats indicate we have what it takes to do this well. And we both love our girls more than anything. But I want passion from a man. A man who can see me for who I am, not who they think I am--or worse, think I should be.
Oddly enough, when I spoke to friends who have known me for a lifetime, not one of them was surprised at my struggle. They all felt that Mr. W. loved me, but that the passion I need from a man was never present. And every single one of them have told me to pursue the passion.
I felt very much at peace in church today. An odd sort of calm took over my being, and I felt a bit of a burden lift from my shoulders. I have to say that for once, I think I owe this path to myself. I've followed the right one for so long and done it for all the right reasons. But I don't ever want to be the angry woman I was before. Angry about being ignored or that my needs were not important.
I'm not saying he could not BE that man. But until he's shown that he's got what it takes, I really need to completely let go of this rope. I want more. I deserve more. I love hard and deeply. And I want the same in return.
This reminds me that despite W's blindness or lack of faith in my efforts/ability to be that man, the pain she is experiencing in thinking it's not possible is extraordinary.
More than a few times folks have told me that I may need to take two steps backwards before I can take three steps forward--essentially retracing my steps to return to an old fork in the road.
But as for you, I really applaud your handling of the downs in life--that it's okay to be down so long as we know that we have to get back up--and do it!!
I'm looking forward to my trip to Colorado and wish I had a bit more time to learn about your world. As your grandfather has been a guardian angel to D7, YOU have been a guardian angel to so many on this BB--including me!
