I'm gonna give some of my input on this topic...I have found that my WAS has told lies and I did not confront him all at once. I guess my plan of action was there is a "right" time for everything. So in some ways, I stewed in silence for a time being and when we were having open discussions about things, I threw things in about the lies but it didn't matter bcoz he denied it anyway or he just never commented.
I guess in my sit, my WAS didn't appear to be a liar during the good times so I took this as part of the scenario. Depending on the reason for your WAS (MLC, OW, etc...) I think plays a part in how much you "utilize" the lying. I mean, if the reason for the lies, as Betsey mentioned, are cover-ups of some sort, than the betrayal factor is different than that of someone in MLC.
I'm not sure if this is helping or not, but for me, the lies have become part of the WAS-the person he has become and not the one that I used to know. I think that if you "look" for the answers to the questions you are asking than you may wind up w/a lie as opposed to not asking at all. For example, I know that my WAS continues to lie to some extent even though I've asked for respect in that area but I've just decided that I don't ask questions any more. In the beginning it was real important for me to know what H was doing and all that, but since DBing, if I keep myself busy w/things and better myself, why do I need to know what H is doing? Avoids him lying and avoids the hurt. I guess this is one way to curb it.
Another way might be to let WAS know that you have different lives now but that you still deserve respect and dignity. Like I said, it didn't work for me but maybe it will for you.
Lies are just their way of making more of the life they are trying to live....another lie....... Tootles.......
