Friends, Squatters & Lurkers--Fishbowl musings

[Underdog]

Okay, Pen. I'm ready to spill part of my story. So here goes.

As many of you know, last Monday marked 18 months since Mr. Wonderful's big move east to his apartment. For the better part of six months, we've been having R talks where I've asked for what I wanted: a decision.

He's promised me an answer "soon" and then fallen short of his promise. With a lot of prayer and guidance, I got myself to a place where I was willing to give myself permission to get what I wanted at any cost.

I've been accused of having poor timing for requesting information before his vacations, so I decided to change that perception. He was on vacation all last week and I gave myself permission to broach the subject whenever I felt ready... after he returned.

Before I begin my ramblings, I will mention that Mr. Wonderful and his brother went on a 4 day golf trip with work buddies (BIL used to work for the same company and knows many of the players). I invited them over for breakfast yesterday, as I had spoken with BIL last weekend and he indicated that he wanted to see me and the girls before catching his flight home.

I was a little surprised to get a phone call on Friday from Mr. W. He was on the 3rd hole and assumed I had been trying to reach him on cell? But told me apologetically that he was having trouble getting a signal and wanted to call and say hello.

I was a bit stunned, as calling to check in while out of town has always been the source of a standoff between the 2 of us. I like hearing from him, and he feels controlled. I dropped that rope after he left, and I guess he's thought about it some.

We had a nice breakfast (I am a good cook, so this was something that was appreciated by them), and then they took off. The girls and I headed to the pool. We got home before dinner and a few minutes after I walked in, the phone rang. It was Mr. W.

He thanked me for the great breakfast and then proceeded to tell me all about his trip. I was less than enthusiastic, given my own thought processes... and since I was in a dripping wet bathing suit freezing my tail off in the A/C, I was motivated to hang up.

He seemed a little sad at my desire to end the call.

After dinner, I decided I would call him back to discuss what my plans were. It went right to voicemail, so I left a message that we needed to discuss something very important when he got a few minutes to talk. Then I walked downstairs and told D10 that I planned on telling her dad I was filing for D.

She had tears brimming her eyes and told me, "Mom, I'm going to be angry with you for a little while if you do, but I do understand." We discussed the need for peaceful living in our lives and she ultimately gave me her blessing... which was nice but not necessary.

This morning, I received a call from him. He told me that he was still having problems with his cell (he had been on with the provider twice at the house during breakfast yesterday, so I know this to be true) and had just received my voicemail. He indicated his door was shut and asked if we could talk?

I mentioned that my topic for discussion wasn't going to be pleasant, but he surprised me by telling me to proceed.

I began, "I think it's time we discussed how to make this separation more permanent. I need some peace and I've discussed this with D10, and she's sad but okay.

The fact is, I'm tired of thinking about you. About us. And I can no longer tell D10 to have hope for us reuniting when I feel none. So it's time to come to terms with what needs to happen."

He seemed not to be affected by my statement at all, nor did he react. He spoke definitively and with purpose.

"Betsey, I spent the entire week devoted to thinking about us last week."

I remained calm and neutral and silent.

He spoke again, with more conviction. "Is it possible for us to discuss this some more? Later this afternoon? Later this week? Any time in between?"

I asked why...

"Well, I thought about you the entire time I was gone. Including the golf course. (I guess I'm usually a verboten thought process while swinging a club?) I took a look around me, and I really can't see myself pretending that those guys are family."

Pause.

"I was in bed by 10:30 every night, which you know is not typical for me. I took a lot of flak from them for being a party pooper, but the fact is, I was tired, and I wanted to think some more."

Okay, now I'm interested... thinking might be good?

"A day into the trip, I realized that I missed you girls. Really missed all of you. Really miss YOU. And I don't see myself living like this much longer."

Then I think what I originally said sunk in.

MW: "Did you say you discussed this with D10?"

Me: "Yes. K, I've been counseling her 3-4x per week and we are both exhausted."

MW: "I understand. I really need to sit down and talk with her too. Listen. Maybe we can do this tonight, hoping she will still come over to my place?"

Me: "Well, she wanted me to talk to you about staying with me tonight. This request is not at all related to our current discussion, either. The fact is that D7 has been really awful lately, and we are both tired. She wants more time alone with me and wants to have a good snuggle with me tonight without her sister hogging me."

MW: "I'll be happy to take D7, Bets. Can I still pick up the girls so you can workout? Then we'll figure out who's going where?"

Me: "Yes, that's fine."

MW: "So, we can talk about this more? Hey, did I tell you that I played some amazing golf? That is, for me? I beat my brother every day, and you know that I've never been able to do that. I am crediting some clarity in my life for my better golf game."

Me: "Yes, we can talk about this more. "

MW: "Good, now I can call Gary and tell that [censored] to start getting his foursomes ready for the golf tournament."

Me: What in the world happened to shed light on this truth? "Okay. Next time we talk, I'll give you the update on what's happened with our tournament since you left."

So, while I'm still not sure what he plans on doing about this, I'm resolved to making a peaceful life for myself and my girls at whatever price it takes. Now he can decide if he's willing to pay the price to include us as part of his overall plan or not. And either way, I'm going to be a happy camper.

I already am.

Being at peace is highly underrated. And my girls and I are ready for the next peaceful chapter. No drama queens (or kings) need apply.

Betsey