Thanks for all the thoughts/posts my friends. Yes, she is threatened by my ex, but moreso because my ex is a raving lunatic at times. I don't think my W thinks I have a "thing" for my ex. But it is food for thought.
We had a knock-down/drag-out fight on Friday morning, and basically, she's mad at me because, instead of discussing the pros and cons of moving, I basically just said, "I don't want to move." That kind of was an ultimate veto and, admittedly, pretty selfish. She hadn't decided that she wanted to move yet, and just wanted to discuss it. Plus, she said, I don't "hear" her. She has wanted the rustic life for a long time, and really doesn't like the "burbs."
As it worked out, the talk/fight eventually got around to the subject of sex, and I compared the new house to my view of sex: something that your REALLY want, just out of reach, and your spouse holds the "key," but refuses to give it to you. She rolled her eyes, and of course, minimized this. And that was about the time I stopped "holding onto myself" and really let her have it. I became very loud and very emotional and told her that she had to stop minimizing this "need" of mine. I also told her my expectations...ML once a week, initiation by her about half the time, etc. I don't think she even heard me. She said she sometimes felt "trapped" in this marriage, and I told her I did too.
As often happens during our arguments, we slipped into "talking past each other." But I think the major points are there. I have to "hear" her, and discuss things with her. She needs to be more receptive to me and to ML.
But, predictably, she was distant, quiet, and not even willing to let me rest my hand on a knee or a shoulder this weekend. We were listening to an audio book in the car, but after it was over, the last three hours of the car ride was very quiet.
Verdict: I don't feel any further along than I was before this issue, and it's frustrating to me.
